Category Archives: happiness

benefits of bailing

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mar 2016 ohbabeKia Ora geeks!  Here is the latest issue from our friends at OHbaby!  I am proud of the piece I wrote in there, about quitting, and I enjoyed many other gems, tooski.

Speaking of OHbaby!, I wrote an article for the Winter 2014 issue, about maternal anger.  Just last week, one of the mamas I interviewed at the time sent me this article from the Guardian, about expressing emotions around children.  She reckons we were ahead of the curve.  How exciting, for a reclusive hermit anti-fashionista!

Now let me share these great many links with y’all.  From the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood, this is a fab resource promising real-life strategies for reducing screen time.  Next, because who doesn’t love a good infographic, this is a resource from Zero to Three summarising the impact of poverty on early child development.

And from the Child Trauma Academy (I promise not to use the word ‘resource’ again …) is this excellent slide series/video about … well, child trauma.   Similarly awesome is this report from the Berry Street whānau in Australia.  They do amazing work for children and families and they call on the CTA wisdom to do so.

Also from Australia: this news report about a Mother’s milk bank, and this from Scientific American will tell you what wee babies can see that we no longer can.  Also from Scientific American: this article describes how the wiring of your brain reveals the real you.

Some research and a grunty report now … Here is some open access research about how Mindful Parenting lowers stress in children (frankly I should flippin well hope so!!), while this research identifies types of humour exhibited by children, and links them to resilience.   This report from the USA examines what investments are needed to get kids ready for school.

Finally, this from the Independent newspaper tells us what parenting techniques have been used by parents of successful children (*would love to see a definition of what ‘successful’ means) and BOY OH BOY would I love to do some shopping at Kanikani Kids.  Tino ataahua enei!

Work, play. Link.

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Eleanor at kindyHere my Little Girl is at kindergarten.  I know, I’m dorky about protecting her image.  Praps she’ll thank me later.  I love this picture for the pure demonstration of how her play is her work.  If you’re lucky, you’ll also find yourself mixing together a nice wee melange of work and play.

My life is nicely like that.  Work, play.  Work = play.  Play = work.  Work = work.  Play = play.  Repeat.

Now it’s time for some links.  Some interesting, juicy links.  First up, a fantastic blog that my mama mate shared with me.  Welcome to the Queens of Constance.  I am awed by this … so brave, honest, important.  My eyes get a bit bruised by loose spelling and unorthodox grammar (I’m kinda an apostrophe nerd) but I forgive.  It’s a glorious site.  Enjoy.

Next, if you have a little time up your sleeve, check out this sensational series about the brain, from PBS in the USA.  What a world we live in … you can just look stuff up!  Any time!  I remember the 1980’s, when to re-view a clip from telly you had to write in to the special Sunday night clip show, and if you were really lucky they’d play it one more time.

Nice summary of babies’ learning here, from the Mental Floss website (*albeit a dorkily named article)  and check out this meta analysis from the Robert Wood Johnson foundation about what children’s social competence means throughout their lifespan.  

Here is an article about making childrearing less expensive, and this a li’l something about the happiest/least happy places for children.  Apparently incomplete data, though.

Here is a piece from Mothering, showing how one legislator from Mississippi wishes to use the law to protect the rights of breastfeeders (and breastfeedees)

Take care out there.  Arohanui xx

obsessions of the week

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just in time for the weekend!!

Hope all the mamas and the papas and the kidlets out there in geekland have been happy and healthy.  Our house played host to a gnarly and aggressive bug (virus?  couldn’t tell ya) but we’re all good now.  Nothing makes me appreciate my awesome immune system like giving it a sick day.

This is a review of the fantastic book I am reading.  After Birth by Elisa Albert.  It is utterly amazing and that is all I have to say on the matter at this time.

Here’s a little something from Scientific American about the changes to a new daddy’s brain, and if you can make it through this video about motherhood without shedding a tear, you are a stauncher mama than I.   It’s just about 3 mins long and very nice indeed.  Thank you Auntie Bee.

This is a link (courtesy of Keryn) to some info about a research study just published in the journal of Pediatrics and Child Health … it’s about the wellbeing of children in Christchurch and I know for a fact I am not the only baby/family person in our district who is scratching our heads a bit about it.  Sounds like the researchers might be, too.

Finally: fifteen minutes of lo-fi inspiration and delight, this is super magnificent Courtney Barnett’s most excellent Tiny Desk Concert.

overthinkers anonymous

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Dear www.baby.geek.nz

You are a dear wee website.  You have given me a place to file my thoughts and preserve a gigantic number of links (* or portals to wonderlands of learning and discovery, as I like to think of them).

You’re a bit of a secret, though, which is cool, but there is this thing I love to imagine you doing.  Just quietly.  I love to imagine that you, www.baby.geek.nz, have improbably become a useful launchpad, catapaulting conversations between thinking parents and scattering chat among other assorted family-folk.

In a world gone bonkers, only you manage to somehow bring together a pot pourri of links that is JUST SO MY CUP OF TEA.  Which shouldn’t surprise me, because I posted every darned last one of them.  Beginning with THIS, my very first blog post.  Awww, cute.

I do love you, darling website, and I promise I can change.  Please, baby(geek), just give me a little more time.  I dream of a bright future for us,

love,

Me xx

End scene.

Anyway, I’m obsessing more than usual about these notions of communication and internet and purpose because last week I went to a Social Media 101 training day.   Holla, Enterprise North Canterbury!  Tumeke, Simplify & Amplify!

It’s all very fascinating, and I kinda dig learning about the psychology of marketing, and why people do stuff and how to get them to do the stuff you think they oughta, I am horrified by what my dear late mother would’ve called the Coca-colonisation of the world.  The blatant and aggressive enslavement of populations by corporations too slick and sneaky to be outfoxed.  Really, I think we should all buy less.  Use less.  Do more for ourselves.  

And the whole technology of twitter and facebook and all their chums is flippin amazing.   As a tool, it’s the way to find all the peoples who care about the things.  Nana over here has to do some work … cos I’d love to find some thinking mamas and I think that’s where they are and yet I FEAR the lure of the devices.  Both for myself and for all of us!

Pads and Macs and smart phones and regular (dumb?) phones … OH … behold these amazing ads from China about resisting the phone addiction FOR THE CHILDREN …

… here’s the thing …. I’d love it if we could all get the fact that societies of useful adults – that is, adults who are kind, competent, smart, healthy, capable, or at least not incompetent dicks – those sorts of adults are more likely if they were gifted responsive, warm, calm, loving care while they were babies.  There.  It’s that simple.  I said it.

Not just me.  Heaps of people.  Like Harvard’s Center for the Developing Child.  Heaps.

And you cannot tell me, not even for a second, that the brains of human young will be as effectively nurtured by distracted adults whose faces glow from their device du jour than they will be by an adult available to meet their gaze, respond to their vocalisations, and make up lame songs.

Ladies and gentlegeeks, I think we gotta unplug more.  For ourselves, and sure as the dickens for our babies.

I mean, I’m all for the flow of mindfulness teaching, (at school!  Love it.)  I am generally very Mindful of Mindfulness, but I can’t help but think we wouldn’t need quite so much mindfulness training if we just spent a wee bit less time skittering between devices and leaping between operating systems.

It’s like how we eat tons of fatty food and then obsess about weight loss.  I’m talking about us as a culture, not YOU.  Or ME.  Just all of us, you know?  Truly: if we did like Michael Pollan … “eat food, not too much, mostly plants” and then went for walks and did some yoga then VOILA!  Wellness.

Sorry.  I’m a bit didactic and grouchy tonight.  I’m angsting.

Yeah, I angst about encouraging folks deeper into the digital world and further from the juicy messy deliciousness of real life.  And yet I love the handiness of a magical box that sings the commercials of my youth and finds me amazing recipes and connects me to people I love, all over the world.

What the flip.  Modern life … I need me my online yoga before bed.  Love you, Adriene, my electronic friend!

Irony, she lives.

school holidays in NZ

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Which means action, carnage, joy and chaos.  Delight.  And mess.  So much mess.

Which is all good.  Because there are seasons.  Which leads me straight to the latest yummy Wise Brain newsletter.  It contains a poem by Tara Sophia Mohr which has blown my mind (*please insert your own explosion noise here.  Preferably with puffed out cheeks, in public.)

Here is a download from the great state of Alabama about the Rewards of Early Childhood Investment.  Written by their Chamber of Commerce so bound to overemphasise short term fiscal measures and underestimate longer term wellbeing measures.  Rah de rah.

Soon Mary Gordon, founder of the Roots of Empathy project, will be in New Zealand to talk.  And listen.  I am looking forward to the ensuing think-and-feel-tank and I plan to make soup.

Finally, with thanks to the folks at Exchange Every Day, a link to an article about resilience. I love this.  Hummingbird parenting (way more pretty and organic than helicopters, anyway.)

I have only just met the Wait But Why website. Gordon Bennett!  It’s a portal to joy, discovery, and lost hours.  Have fun, beware.

Elsa-ish

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fake elsa I have ideas.  Ideas about promoting what has been proven to work in our lives -like healthy relationships, a practice of gratitude, joyfully moving our wonderful bodies.  These things make us happier.

What doesn’t make us happier is buying stuff, succumbing to small-thinking, and accumulating more plastic.

And the Disney channel are having their way with my daughters, again and again.  I have tried dumb strategies to try and disentangle my kids from Elsa’s icy webs.  It may (not) surprise you it makes no difference to grizzle about how tired I am of all things Frozen, or lecture my daughters about feminist worldviews and conspiratorial marketing departments (in black masks and satin capes) .

Instead of watering the weeds and focusing on the things that aren’t wholesome in the scheme of raising my children, I know I gotta try to pull the weeds and water the flowers – to actively emphasise what I value instead of grousing about the stuff that violates my values.  Much nicer to be around.

And what do I value?  Relationships.

So I let my (just) three year old express her connection to the wider world and her love for the intimate world of her home by indulging her love of Elsa. Just a bit.  And Let it Go.  Not really the film – stuff you Hans – and not even really the whole soundtrack.  Just Elsa.  Just that song.  In the sparkly dress, tumbling plait persona.

I ponder lovingly “I wonder who made the decision to put Anna on a nightie?”.  Instead of my current technique of grousing about Frozen I can use the magic of “I wonder” to introduce an awareness of the deliberate scheming of marketers while I introduce a relationship-focused thread to the whole shebang.

Relationships: like using “Oh, do you remember who was with you when you bought the Elsa and Anna lunchbox?”  highlighting the family relationships that are real and concrete and supersede the Disney craziness.

And we discuss the finer details of Elsa’s relationship history, thus highlighting the value of relationship even within the crazy: “Oh, Elsa seems so much happier at the end when she’s ice skating with her sister!  They really seem to love each other a lot!”.  Familial love – I can handle that.

If all that fails and I’m succumbing to my grumpy self around all this, I take solace in the glorious ridiculousness of the dubious toys my husband just purchased on his recent trip to China.  That’s where today’s comical picture comes from.  Take that, Disney.

 

some good, some not

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Life is full of goodness and not-so-goodness, eh.

Like … a beautiful stack of firewood is most definitely good.  The fact that smacking one’s kids continues to be a default setting for many parents (including the allegedly progessive millennials!) is NOT good.

This amazing website from the UK is a dreamy resource for parents of new babies (and those who work with them) and this newsletter from the World Association for Infant Mental Health is another example of goodness.

Finally, self knowledge has gotta be good.  And warm drinks on cold days.  And friendship.  Relationships.  Even hugging strangers.  All good.

quick, before lunch

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Lunchtime is my favourite time.  Hey, it’s Lunchtime!  (a prize for whomever can name that artist …)

Quick: some links.  No snazzy segways or classy intros or even categories.  Just random links … GO:

This is from Scientific American and it’s about how to get more parents to vaccinate their kids.  I have.  This is a link to the American Mindfulness Research Association, and here is some explanation as to why smiling makes us happier and more successful.  Even a faux smile!

This is a YouTube clip about the lovely Tree Change Dolls I shared a while back and this is a blog post about the relentless branding of children’s toys.  Ugh.

Here’s an interview urging rebellion against ‘the gospel of money’ and this article from v. good North & South magazine features the most excellent Rick Hanson who I heard speak a month ago.  Still reeling.  In a good way.   You could also do this wee yoga practice and be happy.  Especially if you smile whilst doing so.

Finally, boycott your biology.  Supress the sociology.  Dance and sing in public!

November? Salt water!

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Blessed be the Geeks, for they shall inherit the earth.

Quick linky round up on a Monday

From Zero to Three, a wonderful round up about screen time for young children.  Check it out and commence downloadery HERE.

THIS is a link to a magazine I didn’t know about until very recently!  It’s called Brain Works and I reckon you might enjoy a wee gander.

A couple of links from Scientific American … THIS is about the ‘orchid child’ explanation for sensitive children … groovester.  And HERE is an article about happiness, or about the fact that not everyone is seeking it.

HERE is an excellent piece from a most outstanding website … it’s about Aligning and Investing in Infant and Toddler Programs and it’s from the Center for American Progress.  Read!

The Society for Research in Child Development have released a Policy Brief, and you can read about it HERE … its called How Abuse and Neglect Affect Children’s Minds and Bodies.

Finally, with thanks to Rox and Bee and my ladies … the most inspiring anything for ages:

The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea. Isak Dinesen

constant role changes

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smallest child is RIGHT into dramatic play just now.  We are assigned and reassigned roles all day long as she switches from one character to another, necessitating that we do also.

It leaves me mentally exhausted at day’s end.  As I am NOW.

I’ve got a deadline and a familiar mild creeping anxiety cos I have a writing deadline and no clue when I will knock it off.  It’s one of those topics that is so juicy and vital and I long to do it justice.  Yikes.

So some quick links before sleep …

Here’s a little something about babies and their dissociation … it can look like bubbas who are left to cry are settled but they AIN’T.  They’re just silently hurting.

The lovely Lammily doll is in production and my girls will be getting one for Christmas shshshshhhhhhhhh.

And listen … i am slowly reading this lifechanging book and I long to chat about it with other folks so someone else read it too, please … it just might change the way you think about humanity.  Not even joking.