Category Archives: birthing

in the news

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Kia ora friends,

Yesterday, the news was full of this story, concerned about the oral language skills of children arriving in New Zealand’s schools, aged five. Later in the day, speech language therapists joined in, confirming how worrying kids’ language is, and adding their own workforce shortages to the list of challenges.

The person interviewed on RNZ laid the blame at the feet of the pandemic and children’s screen time. Salient points, but no mention made of parents’ own screen use, yet again, despite it being associated with language learning, a reliable predictor of children’s habits and a factor measurably influencing maternal sensitivity & responsiveness. Oh, and maternal sensitivity has been shown to predict a secure attachment, which influences almost everything. Forever.

Parents need support, especially at the transition to parenthood. So many of them are feeling unsupported – my doctoral research has confirmed this to a heartbreaking extent. And as for the screen stuff, we all need more green time, less screen time, and new parents in particular are being set adrift in risky online spaces. Once I get that thesis online, you can have a look at how my research also highlights a real silence from the perinatal workforce about how to manage (in particular) smartphone use during caregiving. Without attention to this issue, there will continue to be children lacking the expected skills to thrive in the formal learning of primary school – no pandemic to blame.

This government’s response, which seems to universally involve throwing more testing at children, fails to address the foundational needs of families, and the neurobiological reality of infants requiring attuned, unhurried care in order to grow into the sort of five year olds who can rock up to school, full of chat and ready to learn.

(*PS I love this quote from a teacher at my local school in response to increased testing … oh, the school is rural, hence the farming metaphor: “Just because you weigh a pig more often, it doesn’t make the pig grow any faster”.)

All Hail the Bold and brilliant Special Interest Group in Perinatal and Infant Mental Health of the Psychological Society of Ireland!!

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Honestly … the tenacity and ferocity of their advocacy meant that my work was featured in TWO national newspapers in Ireland – the Irish Times and the Irish Examiner … and I just did a radio interview for a nationwide station, TodayFM (although my voice held a nervous wobble, and apparently they don’t say “judder bar” in Ireland!)

I’m in Dublin because I’ve been attending & presenting at the 18th Congress for the World Association for Infant Mental Health. It’s been amazing, but I’m ready for my house, bed, cow, chickens and routines now, please.

Arohanui x x

How can this possibly be my first link share of 2023?

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Well, crikey. Blame the workload (helloooooo data collection!), blame the family, heck – blame me if you like. It’s been a long-ass time since I posted, but the good news that accompanies this is that I have a backlog of fascination for you to peruse.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then let’s begin!

First, may I share this super practical piece from Oregon Public Broadcasting about supporting young people’s positive body image through purposeful use of … you got it … smartphones/screens. Because let’s face it – as those behind this lawsuit understand, social media messes with people’s minds, and especially the young fellas. In breaking and yet unsurprising news from Bloomberg, Zuckerberg had been warned about this very thing.

I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again – I volunteer to give that young man a crisp and hearty slap.

Here’s a smart essay about the creepiness of AI, and this is another smart essay, about attention.

I highly recommend this article from the Cut, about the trap that is inherent in giving a child their first phone, and LISTEN! How have we not been following the work of the Institute of Digital Media and Child Development? (Thanks to my colleague at Auckland Uni for the detective work).

Speaking of child development, here’s a wee piece I wrote for OHbaby! a while back, it’s about play and toys and it’s tech free (no surprises there). And here’s what Scientific American assert is the best way to soothe an infant. Hot tip: It has absolutely nothing to do with birthing in a full face of makeup. Ew.

This is an alarming description of the ways that TikTok tracks you across the web, and this is about an increasing number of schools and universities who are banning the platform from their campuses.

I love this, from the Washington Post, about making children peer reviewers for science writing, to ensure its digestibility, and this is pretty interesting … from Stuff, about the rise of for-profit childcare in NZ. Also ew.

Three quick links to end this … all more personal than I usually post here! This is a review to an amazing concert I was lucky enough to attend, here is a piece about George Michael and the injustices of “that” scandal (because I have loved him since I was a literal child) AND I’m super proud of my friends who hosted this gig. For flip’s sake, Tennessee. Stop reinforcing the stereotypes of small mindedness and redneckery, would ya please?

the kindness of strangers

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Mims-Ad-Facebook-Landscape

Kia Ora ladies and gentlegeeks,

It’s Labour weekend, and sunny.  I gotta go have yummy family time or at least get my sorry self into a shower, but first, I must express my gratitude to all the kind young mamas-to-be who have been enquiring about participating in research.

I was just hanging washing and reflecting on the generosity and curiosity of these familiar strangers. I’m an ol’ hippy from way back and I’d describe my vibe as :Feeling the love.

Tell you what though, my beautiful moment was marred by the realisation that I didn’t have sunscreen on my arms and that is reckless behaviour.

I’ll need a few Brene moments and a revamp of the morning routine.

Thanks to colleagues at OHbaby!, Plunket, KiwiParent, Family Times, and Tots to Teens, and the Brainwave Trust … also thanks to my buddy Nathan. What are these lovelies up to? They are helping to spread the word the research project I’m part of at the University of Canterbury.

Which circles me back to the warmth and gratitude I’m feeling toward the young women who have reached out via email… Arohanui x x x

Anyway, if I may return to the business of this blog and do a quick link dump? Then I’ll go rip into Labour Weekend.

First up: this link will take you to a well researched, well written article about kids and tech, by Keryn O’Neil at Brainwave.  Kia Ora.

And teacher friends … look at this exceptional blog about teaching media literacy to students. It’s called Four Moves, it’s all about fact checking, and it’s the work of Mike Caulfield, in the Pacific Northwest of the USA, but I’m going to leave you to check that fact.  Labour Weekend, etc., that’s why.

This is an interesting finding, from The Conversation in Australia, about how teens who don’t play organised sport seem to be pretty much as active as their pals who do.  Although perhaps those findings wouldn’t apply to the young uns described in this story from the Guardian, about overuse of video games. 

And I cannot get enough of this podcast. I adore Dolly Parton (remind me to tell you the story about the time I saw her at Nashville airport TRUE STORY) and I love Radiolab so this is a win.

 

PS GO THE MIGHTY ALL BLACKS.

death bed

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OK, so it may be a cliché, but don’t they tend to exist for a reason?  Mate, we absolutely have to measure time with half an eye on an awareness of our mortality.

Yesterday I went to the funeral of a dear family friend.  I went with my one surviving brother and my widowed dad, along with some ghosts.  Two out of the three of us wore jaunty hats, and every piece of my outfit was chosen with care: my late mum’s jacket, my late grandmother’s brooch, a belt given to me by my late brother when I was 14 (it’s my most prized physical possession on the earth!), my stompiest boots.

In the car on the way to the airport, Radiohead.  The beautiful song “Videotape” was made all the more poignant by my destination.  The ceremony was held at a beautiful location, and this South Islander definitely took a moment to buzz out on the sound of tui from surrounding bush.

While there, I witnessed raw emotion.  Respect, regret, sadness, loss, gratitude.  And Love.  Lots of love.

The music at that service was exquisite, and among our discussions my brother and I kept leaning on music to make sense of pain, grief. loss.  How to explain my weirdly peaceful feelings about death? I’ll let Sufjan Stevens do that.  Yes!  He shared one of his wife’s favourite songs with a very similar message, albeit slightly more cheerily presented. Thanks Flaming Lips. Buddhists will tell you to meditate in a cemetery.  Why?  Cos an acceptance of mortality will set you free to be truly in the present.

“Maybe time running out is a gift” … so sings Jason Isbell in the beautiful song If We Were Vampires, with his wife right there singing too.  (How do they not cry?)

So yeah, music helps, and acceptance of death helps.  But none of that changes the notion that time DOES run out, and if we are to see it as a gift we have got to be deliberate about how we spend it.  We must make it time well spent.

Which is why it was extra cosmic that the podcast I was listening to on my drive home from the airport – episode 4 of Your Undivided Attention – used the deathbed metaphor as it made friends with the concept of YouTube at the end of a pretty damning exploration of their ways and methods (*irony acknowledged: I used their links repeatedly in the sharing of my musical montage. Please: SWITCH OFF AUTOPLAY and DO NOT REACT TO RECOMMENDATIONS!)

The podcast hosts were wise enough to contrast the way a person might feel on their deathbed reflecting on the time they spent on YouTube learning to play an instrument (well spent) … but lost hours spent watching conspiracy videos, being led to anti vax nonsense or otherwise not noticing how we are being manipulated by asymmetric algorithms that “tilt the entire ant colony toward crazytown” … those are not hours we will reflect kindly upon as we warm our deathbeds.

I won’t regret a moment of my time doing Yoga with Adriene,  I won’t regret watching this amazing conception to birth video over and over. I won’t regret the time I have taken over the past decade to play on this website.

I won’t regret time spent with family and friends.  (Well, hardly any of it has been regretful, thus far.) I won’t regret any of the sunsets or sunrises I’ve witnessed.

And I won’t regret a second that I got to spend with the dear man we farewelled yesterday.  What a privilege.  Arohanui. x

 

 

it’s fledgling season

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E reads Earlybirdwhen I’m at my sink or at my desk I have views to different bits of lawn.  I can hear (I always hear them first cos they are LOUD) and see fledgling birds following their mothers around, and yelling for food.

It’s all I can do to not run out and give the fledglings a lecture.  They could find a sweeter tone when they call out, surely.  And then I’ll turn to the mother starling and insist she set some clear limits and encourage fledgling to develop the set of skills that will enable him to fend for himself, some day.

So I’ve been thinking about big ol’ fledglings, almost the same size as the parent but so clearly in need of their parents protection.  And then LO! and behold I went to a delicious and delightful book launch last night, for a lovely book called EARLYBIRD, by Julie Burgess-Manning with illustrations by Jenny Cooper. You can order your copy HERE.

Anyway, it is a beautiful picture book for children and families about a Pukeko family whose new egg hatches too soon, the care that egg must receive and the ways that the li’l Pukeko can (and does) flourish.  It will be such a gift for families to support understanding and hope during a really tricky time of life.  More and more babies are born prematurely, so lots of families could use a bit of extra support and let’s just say access to such support is patchy.  This book will help.   All hail, Champion Centre!

Other things that have been happening include a busy week of presenting and a final date for university work, and I foolishly had an expectation of kicking back thereafter.  Instead it’s catching up on appointments, tending to spring time garden, commitments with the kids, family stuff.  Which is all a blessing, to be sure, but sometimes I long to switch lives with my 11 year old nephew.  Muck around with a ball, eat, make fart jokes, do the occasional chore, eat, read, and sleep.  Oh, and hang out with your mates.

Sounds AMAZING.  That pretty much sounds like my dream holiday.  Throw in a lounger, some yoga, and cocktail hour, and I am on vay-cay!

But I’m the Auntie, not the nephew, so I’d better make the most of it.

Nerding out is one way I do that, so please do join me in a quick link dump before I go make dins for my peeps.

Alright: first up … I saw another awesome webinar from the Children’s Screen Time Action Network, this one features Nancy Carlsson Paige and her content is so good … well, all of them have been good.  Check out the archives HERE.   Annnnnnnnd, that webinar also served as an announcement for the release of this piece of goodness, it’s Dr Carlsson Paige’s Parent’s Guide to Young Children in the Digital Age: it is both free and wonderful.

Hey: I learned about this event “Roaring on Aotearoa” .. TOO LATE!  I have not read this book  or heard of this movement but it looks like my cup of tea, 100%.  Fingers crossed Santa could get that book for me.  Did any of y’all get to go?  Was it awesome?  I did manage to get tickets for this, though … turns out I’m a sucker for slapstick British comedy.  Blame my upbringing – big brothers = the Young Ones, etc.

Meanwhile, I thought this local bit about young leaders was both depressing and inspiring, and MATE our young people could use some back up, too … I ain’t lying about the need for caution around the tech and education for folks about the ways we’re being manipulated … in the meantime, we could all use the tech to look up loveliness like this recipe for simpler holidays from New Dream, then jot our favourite ideas onto a bit of paper and power down.   Just for a couple of hours.  GO ON.

 

 

super fast roller coaster, with a deliberately chilled out soundtrack

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oh babe new septKia Ora e hoa ma,

What a day.  What a week!  A week in which the pictured issue of OHbaby! was released, there is an article in there that I wrote about our Minds … with deep and humble respect to Dan Siegel!  

And there was this luscious bit: last Monday I heard (shout out to the hardest working researcher in showbiz!  Tēnā koe, Keryn!) that Sue, Executive Director extraordinaire of Brainwave  Trust Aotearoa had shared some goodies with our Prime Minister, new mum Jacinda Ardern.  Well, blow me down … one of the three articles she passed along is one that I had written some years back.  It still stands up, I’m stoked.  I could barely be more excited … I long for some sit down conversation with Jacinda, and until then, this will do nicely!

I had a useful couple of meetings at university, I got a truckload of work done here in my office (aka my happy place) and as I type this, my kitchen is undergoing a long awaited massage!  This means I am without an oven for the foreseeable future.  Bring on the weird dinners!!

Also today, I watched the most recent webinar by the Children’s Screen Time Action Network, featuring the authors of the book Screen Schooled.   It was all sorta energizing, kinda depressing.

HEY: For face-to-face training of a different ilk (love that word) then won’t you please check out this offering “The Approach of Dr Emmi Pikler in AotearoaNew Zealand” … I’m confident that anyone attending will be inspired, educated, and will find community.  It’s in October, in the central bit of Te Ika a Maui.

A few random links to finish: this is Evolutionary Parenting, which I love, and one of the peeps on the webinar today shared this link, which is some interesting research dealing with how long it takes us to get back in the groove when we’re interrupted.

This is an interesting article from Mothering Mag, reporting on a study about how our workplace interactions can overflow into our homes (and it’s the kids who cop it!) .  Speaking of kids copping it (!!!) here is a call for more thoughtful design in high rise apartments, and this is a most fascinating something from Harvard about sleep deprivation and subsequent possible effects.  Nap time, anyone?

quick and squinty

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Geeks!

I have a bit of a headache and I suspect tech use is not helping.  Eyes are unhappy, so I’ll make this snappy.  Damn, I’m poetic under pressure!

K: so, let’s begin and end with podcasts, shall we?  The first one I have listened to already – it’s good.  From the Urban Monk podcast, with our new pal Dr. Freed.  IT was a response to this awesome article on Medium, which we’ve linked to previous like.

While we are reviewing the need for caution around familial tech use, check out this article from the Atlantic, wondering how much we know about the tech habits of parents.  I’ve been doing a TON of reading on this very topic, now that I have university library privileges (WHOOP!! WHOOP!!).

This is why we are joining in on Screen Free Week – at least some family members are.  We just seem to need to be reminded about other stuff we love doing.  Lego!  Cross stitch!  Playing guitar!

I get the irony that I am online posting this during said week, but I’m at least trying to clear tabs before children return home.  And this is not entirely entertainment media.  So there.

Here is an article from Scientific American about implicit bias (cos, why not?) and this is a link to an abstract for a paper about doing postgrad study with a title that made me smile.

And check out the smartypants commenter on this article from Mothering magazine.  Oh wait, that’s me …

While we’re talking parental leave and Mothering mag, here is an article about the attitudes of women around the world maternity leave laws in the US.  Mate.  I shake my head.  If a culture isn’t cherishing mamas and babies, that is called Devolution.

Finally, to get us back on track, behold the wisdom and wonder of Dr. Dan Siegel, interviewed here on the Doctor Paradox podcast.  This is the one I haven’t listened to yet, but will tend to that tomorrow during school hours!  Thanks to the lovely Dr. C for this link.

link slam

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Here we go … cos I’ve gotta go meet the school bus in a jiff, but I’ve also gotta share links with my geeky pals.

Nice article here about treating children with respect, and now won’t you behold this splendid long read from the Guardian about the diabolical genius of the baby advice industry.  (hehe)

This is an interesting paper about education and the 4th industrial revolution (ie tech) and I simply love the pushback against neoliberalism.  Says the woman who had to pay for fees at university when her parents’ generation did not.

Here is a summary of the AAP’s screen time recommendations for children under 6, and it sure as heck does not include social media for kids.  Tim Cook from Apple gets it, while Mark Zuckerberg clearly does not.  Please sign this petition  to tell him that you reckon Facebook for 5 year olds is a crap idea.   In fact, if you wanna, you could go ahead and use this awesome resource for creating a family screen time action plan.

Some cool stuff now: a post about the joy of making do (OH!  I get this! Love!), here is an awesome paper about doing good to feel good, and now from the NY Times, a piece about the benefits of having a purpose in life.  

How about some amazing birth photos?  Thanks OHbaby.  Last one, cos little girl is home and we need to hang out.  This is a crazy article from our hot NZ summer about how parents are so distracted by their flippin cell phones that kids are drowning.  For the love of everything that’s holy.  Turn the sucker off when poolside!

April? May!

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Kia Ora friends

Sometimes family circumstances chew us up and spit us out.  As I pull rumpled bits of life back together, straighten them out like tin foil, I am grateful when they fit back together but open to the notion of rearranging the whole thing, altogether.

Anyway: what I’m saying is, April slid through my fingers like water.  Much love and big ups to the warm and loving group of early childhood teachers I workshopped with in late April.

A few links that have been on my mind and in my heart:

This is about how we are manipulated as we move around the internet.  It’s written by someone who was a Design Ethicist for Google, and is a magician.  Brilliant.  Important.  Makes me wonder why our children are being allowed internet technologies at school without being given information to allow them to critically think about the ways they’re being toyed with.

Because oh-ho-ho how they are being toyed with.  Did you see this?  About the leaked info demonstrating how cynical and uncaring Facebook are in the way they use information about their users, including (especially?!) vulnerable youth.

Meanwhile: something positive and cool … next Tuesday this event is being held at the Champion Centre, thanks be to IMHAANZ!  Can’t wait to get all up in Prof Jean Clinton’s sphere of influence!

Other goodness: this from Taranaki where their Circle of Security programme is being expanded HURRAH! and in Minnesota there are doulas helping incarcerated mamas.

Gratitude.