Category Archives: sadness

sick days, a little craze(d)

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Kia ora friends,

Little Girl is still unwell – it’s day nine (?)… meanwhile, f you could see the number of open tabs that are squashed along the top of this screen, you would be worried for my state of mind. Rightly so.

There are several I’ll be able to put away if I first share them, here. I cannot promise to organise them thematically, which is what I’d usually do. My mind and laptop are in such a topsy turvy jumble that imma lay things on you in a flurry of no particular order … GIDDY UP

THIS is an alert from Zero to Three, about the US Surgeon General warning about how stressed out babies’ parents are. Knowing, as we do, how interrelated parental wellbeing is with the positive developmental trajectories of dem babies … this is a serious call for attention from the highest of offices in US Health. … … annnnnnd I bet it goes nowhere, cos this happens all the time.

Babies: ignored.

Now, come have a look at these cool music games (thanks Julie, thanks Music Lab!) and if you roam around that site a bit, you can see research opportunities for the nerdily inclined (my people. I see you.) THIS is a well-worth-reading article from Harvard Magazine about computers and humanity, written by someone with 60 years’ experience. And LOOK! At the website of the wonderful Durable Human whānau (kia ora Jenifer!) here is a link of useful references about children and tech.

Now, from MIT press, here is an excellent piece by Jenny Radesky, who is one of the most important voices in the realm of infants and technology. Child-centred solutions. Let’s Go!! Here are some inspiring examples of advocacy and education courtesy of Warm Cookies of the Revolution and I am looking forward to watching this presentation from Julie Cullen @ Sensible Screen Use, about screens in the ECE setting (another issue very dear to my heart!).

This is an important article about Consuming Less, and consuming better, and here is another excellent presentation you can watch, by Catherine Price (How to Break up with Your Phone and the book about Fun whose proper name temporarily escapes me). It’s a tech talk, and a good one.
Oh, and when’s the last time I shared a link to this excellent Position Paper about prematurity in Aotearoa? It’s co-authored by my friend & mentor, Dr. Champion.

HEY check THIS out … research describing the link between two of my favourite things to bang on about … the Evolved Developmental Niche and Vagal regulation! LOVE! And here, from the Atlantic, a piece about adolescents and phones (by Jonathan Haidt, he who wrote the Anxious Generation. In fact, this may be an excerpt. I don’t know for sure). This is a link to a radio interview on RNZ a while back, with the ‘godfather of AI’ Geoffrey Hinton fearing it’s become too powerful (no shit, Sherlock).

Speaking of AI: mate I LOVED this episode of your Undivided Attention, with the gorgeous Esther Perel. She’s describing ‘the other AI’ = artificial intimacy. OUCH. I listened to it with my infant advocate brain (of course) and LAWD I have thoughts and feelings. Here is a piece from Education Week about young readers (tip: screens down. Real play. Go outside. Hold a book.) and this link will tell you all about a film to share and break your heart! KIds on Tech – prepare and protect!

Here’s a piece I wrote about tech, ages ago, here is a depressing report about the sexualisation of girls, and this depressing article is about technoauthoritarianism. Hey, let’s keep the bummers and downers just rolling along! This article is about how adolescent females who search for academic support online wind up with diminished mental health (what the WHAT?)

Here is the School of Radical Attention, the work of Richard Louv (Yes! Vitamin N = Nature!) and here are a slew of wonderful resources about the transition from growth to degrowth, from Mother Pelican.

This is a piece to remind us that school readiness begins in infancy, and I think this is kinda hilarious, from McSweeneys, for anyone who has ever dined out with children!

Here’s some bits from Harvard about the vital force that is water, and what it means to children. So … yeah … join the resistance and help us save our river!

Finally -listen: You are beautiful.

a lover, not a fighter

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Kia ora fam,

I really would like to be allowed to exist for love. Like Aurora.

My training and work and research and life all justify my long held pro-mama, pro-baby, pro-relationships stance.

Relationships and play, y’all. I live to fly the flag for these vital ingredients!

So it’s gutting that so much of my time and energy seem to be required in rebutting and fighting. Ugh, the negativity! But as you know, there’s a baddie trying to pollute our river. In fact, there are multiple short sighted folk seemingly happy to pollute all our waterways! Clean, green NZ? Nope.

Similarly, in my corner of the world (child development, family thriving, etc!) there is junk science published every day and questionable research underway all the time. If I allowed myself, I could stay in a constant state of defence, parrying and sparring from dawn till bedtime, just trying to uphold an infant’s rights.

It’s hard to wrap your arms around a person or a concept while holding a shield to ward off the threats to their wellbeing. But listen, some of what goes on is so very questionable, YOU GOTTA hold the shield. You gotta ask difficult questions.

Like this: how does the fact that babies enjoy one another’s company serve as a justification for guilt-free group care? I’m at a loss for how to parse the ludicrousness of this logic-leap, which is seemingly a cynical justification of an economic system which relies on paid childcare and requires developmentally vulnerable infants to bear the brunt. Sure, babies enjoy each other’s company, that’s cool! This is not surprising, given that we evolved to spend time in groups, and alloparents (ie adults who behave like parents in support of parents, like grandparents & aunties) are a vital part of a thriving community. HOWEVER, the fact that babies like other babies does not mean they are best served by the current dubious ratios, high staff turnover and excessive group sizes that are all too often found in the profit-driven world that early childhood education (childcare) has become.

Or this: the virtual baby at UC, which gives me indigestion. Just … why? Also: how expensive was it to develop this circus of infant disrespect? An infant sized doll would be a much better proxy. In the good old days of sane teacher training, we absolute beginners used to practice nappy changes on dolls, rehearsing respectful routines using lots of language and taking an unhurried approach … I saw that virtual baby in development and LORD I hope it has progressed further than the ghastly nightmare which I saw: a baby who could not respond to song, or touch, or gaze. The virtual baby could not be comforted by any of those biologically appropriate responses, but would only stop crying when laid on the ground and given a virtual rattle to play with. WHAT? And this would help train quality professionals …how? Just because something can be done (like a VR headset for teacher training!) does not mean it should be.

Even this: my latest article for my pals at OHbaby! magazine, which is a cautionary tale about baby tracking apps. Can we be FOR responding to babies’ cues? Not without defending against the latest threat to that, first! Gah!

We need some positivity to end this post, or we will all wind up with a bad case of the blues. OK, so … howzabout the Joy Workout from the NY Times? That’s fun.

And here’s some more fun, thank you Catherine Price. Here is a link to a cool group who are all about “Radical Attention”, here is inspiring (brief!) video about leadership, and this is a glorious collection of links … you will find art and beauty courtesy of the soon-to-cease-to-be Vampire’s Wife (covet! covet!).

What else? Some beautiful art by a talented woman from the San Francisco area named Shannon Knowlton, an excellent summary of recommendations for screen use in schools and ECE, and (from our friends in Ireland) a summary of screen use in children’s presence, more generally.

Speaking of summaries, I am in my office today to begin work on my research summary. I gotta transform a 350+ page document into a 1-2 page lay summary. Like an abstract, but nicer to read! This is not an easy task and I’ll admit to being a bit bamboozled by it.

But needs must, friends, so I will hop to it. Wishing you all blessings, love, joy – and the courage to question and defend, when required!

x x x

on self-forgiveness and sass

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Kia ora friends

Here we go, 2024.

So I’ve employed my dad’s excellent life advice to wait till you’ve had two sleeps after a difficult situation, in order to decide whether to succumb to despair, or not.

Two days ago I attended a fraught public meeting in my community, surrounded by neighbours and facing off against a villainous bunch of corporate bad guys. I was reminded of Mr Burns from the Simpsons (in vibe, not in looks). I feel like I am living inside a Disney movie. The health of our river is under threat, and I cannot be dispassionate about it.

here’s me by the river in question, a couple of years ago before I let all my silver tinsel hair grow in 😉

So yeah, I got a little sassy at the meeting. My best, highest self found it difficult to engage, and with the hindsight of two sleeps and my knowledge of neurobiology and homeostasis, I say “no wonder” – it was really hot in the sun without shade, it was rolling on to dinner time and my blood sugar was dangerously low, and the neurosequential model will remind you that the effective functioning of our prefrontal cortex is at risk when our limbic systems are raging. Which they’ll do when our homes and happiness are under threat!

All this to say, I have forgiven myself for my public display of imperfection and I acknowledge that I would not be the person I am if I was unwilling to call out nonsense when I see it and hear it. It’s one of my best qualities, I think, so I stand by it. In fact, I call on that trait right now as I share links with y’all

First up, here is a link to a write up about a great piece of qualitative research out of Auckland, it is based on interviews with parents of adolescents and YUP it’s about phone use. I emailed the lead author and congratulated her, told her I’d be quoting the following passage in my thesis:

“The narrative in the media now is tending to be all about how tech can be good and bad, implying a balance. However, the evidence—whether from our study or the US Surgeon General’s review [9]—increasingly supports the idea that the harms seem to outweigh the positives.”

Yup. Consider the Ledger of Harms from our friends at the Center for Humane Tech, consider the untrustworthiness of social media platforms, consider how liberating it is for our young people to be free from phones at school, and then read this updated version of the excellent “Disrupted Childhood” report from 5rights in the UK.

Then, we gotta finish up by looking for the helpers. Those who are working hard to heal and repair and be positive and create goodness.

too little too late (too busy!!)

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Kia ora friends,

The busy is a bit much at the moment. In my life, the hurtling will be somewhat inevitable till we put the thesis to bed, in about 7-8 months. Hurtling. Data collection is complete, analyses mostly done and the descriptive chapter will burst into life in forthcoming weeks.

It’s a weird wee patch, where I’m having to pause and see it through, even as I can see what needs to happen next.

As ever, it’s hard to put my attention too squarely on the ol’ work during school holidays. The (not so) small person is now eleven, and I gotta keep finding ways to focus on her and be super productive in the moments that surround intentional interactions. That link is a funny gag, btw. I will be working my bum off at every available moment! It’s the only way!

Time is precious, we know that.

Time is the thing we can’t make more of. We can’t forget that.

And our kids are kids just the once! My firstborn will soon be twenty! When’s the last time i pushed her on a swing? But many of us are still on the phones more than we are with our children.While we’re thinking ’bout it, we could do a bit better at keeping phones away from children (babies!) too.

Can we agree that’s heartbreaking?

And sheesh, may I hold my hand to my heart and whisper sadly about the passing of a beautiful and beloved early childhood kaumatua, who I have acknowledged here in the old bloggity many times, and I’ve quoted her liberally in work for OHbaby! and others. Darlings, Pennie Brownlee has died. My go-to book for gifting to new parents has always been “Dance with me in the Heart” and many of you will also know “Magic spaces“, both of which were written by Pennie.

Yeah.

Exhale.

Life is short and precious and there is heaps to do.

The things which Pennie wrote so well about were the truly important bits that make child development magical and wonderful and make the most of the exuberant synaptogenesis of brain growth that rockets along in those early years.

Relationships. Play.

That’s it, y’all. that’s what makes children thrive.
and both those things are disrupted by by-God tech!

Anyway.

Walking in the woods is good for us, says Harvard, and this is the website of Diana Suskind, whose work I was reminded of by a lovely colleague last week. Cool rock play. Love. Here is a fab new post from our friends @ Sensible Screen Use, about the need to think more critically about our tech use in classrooms. OH! And ECE centres, brothers and sisters. It is most unsatisfactory what seems to be going on all over the show. May I remind us all that what’s ‘normal’ and what’s ‘healthy’ are not always the same thing!!

I’m doing that broken record thing again, so I’ll send so much love and go put a load of washing on. x x x

June gloom, multiple rooms, and exciting zooms

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What a privilege to share a play with Otis and pals 🙂

Kia ora friends

When I lived in the USA, they used to talk about the weather in terms of June gloom, and I thought “not in North Canterbury, where the winter nights are frosty and the winter days are shiny”. But this last wee patch has been rather gloomy, so much so that I heard a gentleman say, at the recycling centre over the weekend: “this is like England in November!”.

The other reason for the gloom in my heart is a rough 1-2 combo of death-a-versary and new loss. Processing sadness even as trying to support others … not easy. But important stuff often isn’t.

Anyway, I need to do the important work of sharing links on this blog … I will start with a shout out to Canterbury Playcentre and their fine “Babies Can Play” project, which I was lucky enough to gatecrash a couple of weeks back, with my li’l buddy Otis (and thanks to his fam for allowing me to share the above pic).

That thought may segue nicely into sharing this paper, which was thrust into my hands by one of my mentors, and deals with infant voice and subjective experience. YES! Preach. Vital, and all too often absent from the research realm.

Some terrifying links, now – this is from the Guardian, it’s about the role of Instagram and Facebook in child trafficking. Gross. But don’t look away. Stare it down. Likewise, this from the New York Times about how chat rooms within gaming communities are breeding extremist (violent, racist, misogynist) thinkers, and over here is a piece about how You Tube algorithms are tilting gamers toward actual videos of real life shootings. Unacceptable.

Some good news – this from the Washington Post about banning use of phones in schools, this is a topic which has had a bit of attention here, lately, thanks to the work of Paddy Gower, and lest we forget we’ve known about the benefits of removing phones from school for ages – this write up from the Guardian is in response to a report from the London School of Economics from 2015, for flip’s sake. How many distracted children in those intervening years … hmmm?

Here is an English translation of a position paper written by the German Association for Infant Mental Health, it’s about things digital in the lives of babies & families, and this is a press release from Canterbury Uni (whoop, whoop!) about screen use in early childhood. Guess what? Limits are a good idea.

This is from Teen Vogue about the aftershocks for children who have grown up in the public eye in ‘influencer’ families (ew) and this is about legislation in France, designed to curb such weirdness.

Finally, a chuckle for the pottymouthed …thanks, McSweeneys x x

trialing a new coronavirus therapy

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kia ora friends,

flipping ol’ August – I guess I utterly failed to post in the month of July. Sheesh. Not that I was sitting around idly, though. Friends: I have been nurturing my PhD project through multiple layers of ethics approval and have temporarily stalled in my mission to register the work as a clinical trial owing to having succumbed to the dreaded virus.

Flip. Fudge. Fart.

I started to feel very crappy on Sunday night, sweating like it was my chosen profession (well above the norm) and aching so aggressively I couldn’t get comfy enough to sleep. About 2am I got up, tested, and LO! After 2 1/2 years of fearing it – COVID 19 is in my body!! Luckily my office is in a separate building so I can isolate effectively from the rest of my fam, who (miraculously) are still well!

Anyway, I felt pretty wretched for the first 2-3 days, and then I remembered my great healing strategy for all upper respiratory sorts of illnesses – – WEEPING. Focused, purposeful weeping. Dripping the virus from my system. Tears contain cortisol, tears are a tap that expel tension. Crying lowers blood pressure and I believe it to be a wonderful medicine.

For joyful crying, I find it hard to go past AURORA, and you can enjoy glorious concert performances both HERE and HERE. This gal might just be an angel on earth. No jokes.

The end of this documentary invoked a less joyful type of cry, but friends: please don’t let that put you off. It’s a SUPER important watch and I urge all parents (well, and grandparents, aunties, professionals, teens, kids … ) to watch it. Childhood 2.0. SHEESH.

I have also been watching telly & movies, listening to lotsa podcasts and RNZ, sleeping like a champ, and sweating.

Did i mention all the sweating? So elegant! Classy! Self esteem through the roof!!

My attention span and thought abilities seem a bit shot, too, but that might just be tiredness. I found myself talking about “brain frog” so that’s not ideal. When the fog is a frog you got troubles.

Take care out there, my darlings. OH! And mark your calendars for Phone Free Day, October 6th.

Dear Screen Free Week 2022,

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SFW2021_SocialIcon-1.png (1080×1080)

Dear Screen Free Week 2022,

Hey, old friend! It’s been a while. We have an intimate history, you and I, and I just want to acknowledge your validity – as well as my emotional absence. You know I have promoted you locally in the past, and in 2020 I purchased your merch – I love wearing my SFW t-shirt, even though we all abandoned the pressure and pleasure of taking the week off screens during that first bit of pandemic.

The thing is – this year, I have utterly failed in sharing the news of your arrival. I’ve been so flipping flat out with my doctoral confirmation process and the fresh rigours of family life … I simply failed to get it together for flyer-printing and press-release-sending. And now the week is upon us, I’m not even sure I can rally the family for an in-house SFW. Now, quick – get me some Brene Brown in an IV, because the shame that accompanies this apathy (? is it apathy?) is IMMENSE.

So let’s try a regroup. One of the real missions of this week seems to be about challenging accepted autopilot patterns – especially with regard to entertainment media. I’m all for that. But I guess I’m already pretty self-aware around this. I barely doomscroll the news anymore, I don’t use social media, and I’m purposeful about selecting uplifting and delightful things to watch.

What I crave, and I’m not sure how I will achieve this for some months (*see prior point about confirmation, etc!) is a total break from ALL tech. Not my phone, no cell service or wifi, not my laptop or word processor … not even a podcast (shock, horror). I would like my brain and body (mate, my eyes are sore at the end of a desk day!) to experience a total screen tech rest. Books and magazines, pens and paper, records and cds. Long walks and daydreaming. Rest. Not sure husband and children would tolerate this, so it could wind up being a solo expedition of some kind, and it may be a long while before she gets it.

Meanwhile, take care. See what you can rustle up during Screen Free Week, even if it’s just a solitary night off the telly, with library books for company, instead.

Actually, that sounds pretty great 🙂 x x x

and the year goes March-ing on

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Hello darlings,

Crikey dick. March already. Makes me a bit clammy on the palms, as I have SO MUCH WORK to do, and a finite amount of daily brain power.

In the meantime, I would like to share a slew of links with you.

First, a couple that specifically deal with TikTok (ugh). This is from Wired, and it’s about the company’s desire to host/post longer videos (even though longer videos stress users out). Why would they do that, you ask? To sell more advertising, of course!! Speaking of advertising on TikTok, check out this craziness, about ADHD medication being pitched to youngsters. Again: ugh.

Here is a link to some work from George Washington University, about the peddling of COVID-19 misinformation to parent groups, which reminded me of this from NZ’s Stuff about ‘mumfluencers’ (that word deserves another one: ugh!). ALSO: same but different, this is from Wired about the ways that the internet is failing mums-to-be.

What depressing news can I share with you, next? How about this, from the BBC, about how popular children’s game Roblox has been invaded by pervs (are we surprised?) but LEST WE FORGET, before we go blaming children for being enticed by the online world … kids’ screen habits are very much a reflection of their parents’ habits, and as this piece from the Atlantic reminds us, those parental habits MATTER.

Speaking of kids’ habits … this is a piece from the Newsroom in NZ about screen time, and I’ll invite you to compare and contrast that with an opinion piece from the Washington Post about how social media use is a much more useful yardstick than just ‘screen time’.

I’ll end with three hopeful-ish links … first, from the Guardian, about the value of prioritising in-person intimacy over our smartphones, and THIS from the BBC … it’s about ditching the smartphone … and howzabout this from the Atlantic, encouraging connection to nature.

I mean … we are human mammals. We are part of nature. Jeez. With that in mind, I might rug up against the early-autumn chill and eat lunch outside. Arohanui! x x xx

Zoom – it’s not just for weeping

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kia ora my friends

Yeah, so … about 10 days ago I wept via zoom.

I’d been at an event the previous day, a public talk where I believed the content (which I saw as downplaying the risks accompanying our technological lives) had the potential to do harm to children. I see things as the 5 Rights Foundation see them: Tech’s exploitative relationship with children is a public health issue. Instead of acknowledging this, I heard false reassurances (“sure, play violent video games for hours at a time!), some in opposition to the recommendations of the likes of the World Health Organisation.

The hierarchical nature of pecking orders means that it wasn’t appropriate for me to stand up and yell “BS!”, although that’s what every cell of my body longed to do. For the love of everything that’s holy- ACKNOWLEDGE THE HARMS.

The act of suppressing that desire took a toll on my central nervous system – I was cringing so hard I did myself personal injury. For an hour and a half, I had to do slow, controlled abdominal breaths, the likes of which I would usually do during dental work for mere minutes at a time.

This combination of misinformation and physical suffering (not to mention the stiff whiskey I downed when I got home) left me out of sorts the next day. Not the best space for a productive work day … or, it turns out, a competent showing on zoom.

I wish I knew more about zoom etiquette – clearly I should have bowed out of that meeting. Is it rude if I’m the only one whose camera is turned off? I mean, I know Brené Brown is all the rage, but is the world ready for the “I weep on Zoom” level of vulnerability? Giddy up, y’all. Here I am.

In part, the weeping was because I got lost in comparison, perceiving myself as falling behind the other researchers. But in hindsight, I mostly wept because I longed for these other child-minded people to join me in feeling wounds that accompany the public misrepresentation of children’s needs. Unfortunately, it was hard to communicate any of that while my head was in my hands.

Forgiveness: after at least two good sleeps (my dad’s excellent rule) I was able to forgive myself for the weeping, I could contextualise my reaction and even stand in the power of “I wept because I care so bloody much about children!” – which is not entirely a bad thing, eh?

Anyway, if we can still be friends, I’ll share a few links and move on with my day.

Let’s start with a few Bruce Perry/NMT related links, shall we? First, here is a website called Be Rhythmic, which is a cornucopia of regulation-enhancing delights. THIS is a pdf about the amazing human brain, and check out these exceptional visual synopsis (synopses?) of Dr. Perry’s books.

A few techy links now, cos … y’know. First: check out this work from the University of Auckland, making a link between audible smartphone notifications, parenting style, and kids’ language development. This is an argument against instagram for kids (because … of course). And this is a link to a blog about Britain’s code of conduct for online design as it relates to children. Lo and behold, they call on the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child to inform their work: Children have the right to be safe from commercial exploitation (UNCRC Article 32).
Oh, if everyone were to honour that … there sure as heck wouldn’t be talk of Kiddy Insta!!

Here is a bit of info about the 5Rights “twisted playthings’ campaign, which seek to highlight the weirdness of toys that gather data and promote unhelpful ideals … One write up from the Washington Post, one from a site called Shots.net. Commercial exploitation of children? Yup.

I’d also like to draw your attention to the work of Thorn.org, who work to protect children from online sexual exploitation.

What else? This is a good article from Dame about living in an age of too much information (information is not the same thing as knowledge, and knowledge alone ain’t wisdom!!) and I’ll round this post out with some beautiful, playful bead art. ENJOY x x x

listlessness

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Kia ora friends,

I asked someone I love “How are you going?” and they replied “Listless”. It hit me like a ton of bricks … feeling listless? Write a list! Had you ever noticed that? That listlessness is a literal translation of “that state of unfocused apathy that can accompany NOT HAVING A LIST”.

Me, I love a list.

Anyway, remember a while back I talked about chatting to a reporter for a Stuff article? Yes’m. Here is a link to that. Also from Stuff is this write up about a study happening via the University of Auckland which included the finding that one in 10 toddlers in NZ has 3 hours of screen time per day.

How I wish this gorgeous resource from School of Life was widely disseminated … it’s a book of screen free fun and I am covetous. And here’s another handy resource – a brochure from the Children’s Screen Time Action Network written for new parents and giving solid advice about tech use.

Speaking of the Network, I attended an excellent (online) talk by Dr.Jenny Radesky and Dr. Roberta Golinkoff and there is a recorded version of it here. It was about making wise choices if selecting tech for young ‘uns to use. The next one looks good, too, about Green Time.

Another video, this one from the Evolved Nest … please check it out. It’s just six minutes and SO GOOD. A summary of Darcia Narvaez’ amazing book Neurobiology and the Development of Human Morality. Very much my cup of tea!

Something that is NOT my cuppa is described here in a piece by Fast Company … it’s about AI in the classroom and I say BACK OFF, GOOGLE. Surely that’s technochauvinism at its worst? Hey, speaking of Back Off Google … the most recent (and rather bloody gorgeous) issue of OHbaby! has an article I wrote … called “Google Strike”.

What else? Here is a gift from Common Sense Media about 10 steps to a better YouTube, this is a link to a piece from the Conversation about teen girls’ rates of depression being higher than boys’, and here’s Dr. Gabor Mate on why attachment is everything.

Take a moment to bask in the glow of Italian Library Music (I KNOW! Thanks, NY Times!), here is a Washington Post piece by Jean Twenge (y’know … wrote iGen) … about gaming disorder being the tip o’ the iceberg and this is a Canadian news source reporting on sexism in academia. Gross.

Things I want to re-introduce to the world include THIS important report from the 5rights foundation in the UK, about the influence of persuasive tech in the lives of children. It’s called Disrupted Childhood and I wish everyone would read it.

I have a couple of McSweeneys pieces to share: both hilarious and tragic at the same time. Beyond bittersweet! This one is about women returning to offices, post-pandemic, and this one is a “to do list” for your baby’s 15 minute nap – frankly this is a moment for listlessness.