Category Archives: happiness

life by the bucketload.

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As I type this I can see more apples falling from the trees of my crazy-prolific wee home orchard.  Already today I’ve scooped up SIX bucketloads (many were fed to our pigs).  Add to that the THREE bucketloads of ash I emptied from the firebox in the living room and I would call that a bucket list of a different sort.

This is a link of many of the podcasts that Nathan and I recorded back in the summer.  If you haven’t seen any, make a cuppa and hang out with us for a few minutes.

Now I gotta share with you something just fantastic … something I wish everyone would read … an amazing piece from the Atlantic, called “How to Land your Kid in Therapy”.  It is an absolutely astonishing article and you can find it here … It kind of challenges our parental preoccupation with “You are so special and I want you to be happy!”

Similar but different article is here from Slate, about motivating teenagers (also about letting kids experience failure).

(I am hereby mildly obsessed with the word eudaemonia.  Thanks to stats geek for this word o’ the day!)

Anyhoo, speaking of having your thinking challenged … as visitors to this website know, I’m very pro-mindfulness.   Especially as it applies to parenting.  But it is pretty interesting to read an alternative perspective to being all-mindful, all the time … ah yes!  The beauty and power of a wandering mind!  Enjoy.

A couple more links now … a kind of beginners guide to attachment theory is in this piece by ABC news (I TRY to resist the urge to say “like, durrr … are you just learning this now?”)

Anyone want to join me for Screen Free Week, 2014?  This geek pledges.  Can I coerce the other members of my family to join in … watch this space.

And for no good reason except I need to be reminded: those of us in the southern hemisphere might like a reminder of what to do in our veggie patches about now.

 

Day of Happiness

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International Day of Happiness!  It’s equinox/solstice, too.  Autumn begins in the Southern Hemisphere.  Time to get serious about the stacking of firewood.  You Northern mamas (& papas) can stock up on sunscreen & bug spray.

Things to make you happy: an awesome looking free online parenting extravaganza was advertised by Attachment Parenting International and can be learned about here.  Daniel Siegel is one of the presenters and he is fab.

But listen … this is a blog post that will NOT make you happy … New Zealanders need to be outraged … and I’m thinking we need to tell all our friends, the parents of our kids’ classmates.  Thanks to my excellent geek pal for the link.

This is an interesting article from Forbes (business-y magazine) about parenting habits to avoid (if you want to grow a leader).

Going to watch a recording of the latest episode of this series I am into … I love Don McGlashan like a crazy lady.

top five housework head games

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alright, I’ll admit it.  I am a fairly lousy housekeeper.  Daily, I struggle with the notion that being the full-time parent inevitably leads to shouldering the lion’s share of the cleaning and stuff.

And this makes it very, very easy for me to slide into self pity.  All too often, houswork = surly girlie.

Because let’s face it; I’d rather be reading, gardening, exercising, napping, chatting, writing …

So here are my strategies for attempting to keep the house hygienic whilst staying upbeat:

  1. Distract.  Have an appropriate soundtrack
    I am a big fan of podcasts.  This American Life, RadioLab, The Moth, and Ideas are just some of my faves.  I also reckon groovy dance music (and at this time of the year, Christmas songs) make it all much more palatable.
  2. Do not distract.  Be present.  Take an extra-sensory approach
    I once read the most glorious love-letter about the act of washing the dishes, written by a Buddhist teacher.  The feel of the bubbles, the warm water … by slowing it down and embracing the textures, this guy LOVED to wash the dishes.  Then I heard someone talk about how she loves to vaccuum the floor – because of the sound of all that crud whizzing up the hose.  And I’ll admit that I adore the smell of a particular brand of polishing oil and the way I imagine my wood furniture would feel after being doused in it.  If tables were capable of emotion, that is.  Now I’m experimenting with this: I look for the sensory gifts in the act of house-cleaning.  Paradoxically, this was all the better for this stunning episode of aforementioned podcast, Ideas… enjoy “the Seduction of Scent”.
  3. Reframing: make it a gift for Future You
    I passionately love having clean sheets on my bed, equal only to how much I dislike  changing them.  This is one activity where I try to reframe the act that I don’t enjoy and instead focus on the delectable outcome.  (“I’m going to LOVE hopping into bed tonight!”)
  4. Find play where you can
    Can you clean your kitchen floor whilst balancing on one foot?  Is it possible to pick up all the superfluous paraphernalia that’s lying around the living room whilst crawling?  How many pirouettes can you perform before the spin cycle finishes?
  5. Can’t someone else do it?Like Homer Simpson says …
    Seriously, though.  I want my kids to know how to look after themselves, how to be good flatmates.  Little Girl is 22 months old and can put away her own laundry, Big Girl (freshly ten) is the Queen of Recycling.  There isn’t much hubby cannot do.  When I was a kid my jobs were: dusting the shelves in the kitchen, polishing the brass taps and maintaining a steady supply of fresh ice.  Odd, but effective!

How do you cope with the housework thang when you’d rather be geekin’?

doing it wrong

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Geeks,
There seems to be a curse on the thinking mamas.  When it comes to motherhood, everyone I know (self included) endures waves of indecision, regret, self-doubt.

It would seem that we all believe ourselves to be doing it wrong.  Worse, I think we might just imagine that our sisters are magically doing it right.

Whatever “it” is. (discipline, sleep routines, dinnertime …)

And whatever “right” means.  (effortlessly, patiently, attractively …)

What is the seduction in the angsting?  Like, if we go back to work we worry that we are terrible mothers.  But if we stay home, we worry that we are terrible mothers.

So often a trawl through the literature will find arguments for and against just about anything:

So what’s a gal to do?  Momma Geeks … there is such a thing as overthinking.  There is power in trusting yourself, in honouring intuition and in tuning into that wee inner voice.  The one that comes from your gut.

In order to hear this in amongst the busy-ness and action of a family, find the thing that gives you quiet.  I cherish my weekly yoga class, and I go for a stroller-walk when I can, concentrating on my breath and footsteps on the asphalt (and on avoiding the oncoming trucks from the nearby quarry).  I know mamas who meditate, run, play music, read.  You gotta do the thing that gives you joy, peace, calm.

There is also great value in knowing which other voices to trust: I trust mine (usually) and I am lucky enough to have in my life other folks whose baby-views and family-thoughts matter.  Pals.  Mentors.

You know who you are.  And I thank you.

 

here, there & in between

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bridge babyLadies and Gentlegeeks,

A few links to warm your heart (or worry your mind …?)

Behold a collection of fab parenting blogs, starting with this excellent post about trusting our children from Bonnie Harris.  This is a lovely piece about how Mamas “do nothing” all day (reminding me: time to reread Naomi Stadlen’s magnificent book …) and this blog might have a slightly dorky name, but SHEESH the content is stellar.  The Scary Mommy blog also has some good content, but is the “Mommy Confessional” off to the right which feels so intimate and personal I can’t quite believe I’m reading it.  What up, Mamas?

Also taking it personally: a teacher pal of mine warned me after a meeting she’d attended … the controversial and FLAWED national standards of education being pushed on New Zealand schools is rumoured to have its insidious eyes on BABIES now.  I will keep y’all posted.

Another warning or three – marketers are coming for the tooth fairy now.  Here is some rebuttal for the nonsense of apps being marketed for babies, and finally from the RWJF, some harsh truths about fast food advertisers and the way they stalk our kids.

If all that is stressing you out, check out this splendid video from the Action for Happiness folks.  Then feel better.  (Cos we all are feeling a smidge better, apparently).  Phew.  Night night.

I got the power! (in praise of electricity)

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Sometimes, it’s tempting to romanticise all that is rustic.  I don’t know if it’s just that I am a momma who values simplicity in the lives of her children, or if it’s because I am a keen veggie gardener whose 1970’s upbringing included a reverence for self-sufficiency?

Anyway, those gnarly storms that hit us on Tuesday night left this family without power for 2 days, and now that it is back, I have never been so in love with electricity.  Gotta say, though: I DID love waking and sleeping in alignment with what the sun was doing.  Our poor wee caveman bodies are a bit confused by what faux lights do to our circadian rhythms.  I think we’d have less drama about babies’ sleep if we had slightly less spazzy sleep habits ourselves.  Anyway: Mt. Laundry is waiting for me after the washing machine hiatus.  Reminding me anew to be grateful for my modern mama life, with the absolute absence of time spent scrubbing clothing against rocks.

overanalysis paralysis

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Gotta be careful, my geeky brothers & sisters.  I’m all a-flutter about the new website and I have been kind of staring at it for ages … poised.  So full of anticipation and humble-hearted that I wind up a great ball of inactivity!  Thus: let’s dive in and do what Baby Geeks DO.  A broad trawl of interesting stuff and a scoot through some child-focused, science-y links.  Behold!

Let’s start with a piece from Slate that I am choosing to serve as an explanation as to why my photos are always a bit disjointed and odd.  I am pretty passionate about preserving the anonymity of my children.  Also from Slate: the grossness of celebrities who tweet the voices of their children.

While we’re being suspicious of technology (an effortless task for this geek), here is a li’l something about use of tablets with children (not asprin, iPads).  Might be time for an appy change?  For real, though, it should be no surprise that the advice for parents seems to be very similar as the advice we’ve always been given re: the telly – resist the temptation to use it as a babysitter, instead use it as an opportunity for connection and a springboard for conversation.  Because talking with children is really important, eh?

Here is a write up about some Australian research reinforcing the role of exercise in boosting kids’ cognitive abilities, let this inspire pregnant mommas (and the rest of us!) to eat well, and I’m a wee bit excited about this burgeoning parenting ed info from Norway.  While you’re there, have a geez at the menu on the left of the article.  You might go NUTS.  I did.

Here is yet another piece about the value of fathers, this is a fairly fabulous article from Psychology Today about “What Happy People Do Differently”, and … just cos I am a bit in love with myself for taking my kids swimming yesterday (*I am NOT a naturally aquatic creature and barely EVER do my poor children get this experience on my watch!) I will end with the neurological explanation for crinkly fingers and toes after overexposure to water.