work and play

oh, self discipline.  I love how you’re getting me to stay at my desk and burn through my work, but it saddens me how this leaves us less time for joyful exercise!  And when we are getting our workout groove on, the desk work feels utterly protracted!  What to do?

Questions for the ages.

Here are some links for my pals …first … a link sourced from today’s webinar by the Children’s Screen Time Action Network (thanks, friends!) … please read this from the Atlantic … an article about distracted parenting.  This is what my research is about, and it is reeeeeeeally real.   We watched a short version of this documentary, and I defo want more.  The session also reminded me of this excellent article by Richard Freed, which we’ve linked to before but WHAT THE HECK, here it is again.   Digital detox, you say?  Here is a how-to.

Now, here is a link to the site of a group called Defending the Early Years (sheesh, someone’s got to …) and OH here is another article from the Atlantic, this one about whether we should trust Alexa  (which I think of as beginner AI … so the answer to the trust question is: of course not!).  Even so-called safe education based platforms wind up exposing inappropriate stuff  to kids

If you are not already subscribed to the excellent Evolutionary Parenting newsletter, check out some of their juicy goodness here and this is a chirpy little article about sexism in childcare (what comes first?  The undervaluing of children, the mostly female workforce, or the low wages and status?)

If you’ve the strength, read this article from Scientific American, it’s about downplaying competition and upholding growth mindsets in education, and finally, here is an article I wrote a few years back for OHbaby!  It’s humbling, because I have taken on more extra-curriculars than I had on my plate even then, so I reckon I am super un-fun-mum most of the times these days.  Join me in a deep sigh, will ya?

DIY petrichor

Screen Shot 2018-09-28 at 12.05.47 PMSpringtime is lovely in this garden.  These past couple of weeks I have spent many blissful minutes under various blossoming trees, eyes closed, breathing deep, smelling sweet smells and hearing the productive meditation that is the buzzing of bees.
Another blessing of spring is the excuse to hang out in my glasshouse.  I’ve gotten some seeds started for the year (bit slow, actually, compared to my neighbours!) but nonetheless I relish the opportunity to go watering in there.  It gets so parched in my glasshouse that when I water I can sometimes fake the most beautiful smell in the world, aka petrichor.  Here is legendary Australian singer/songwriter Paul Kelly  performing his song of that name.

What else?  Some brain stuff: here is a gorgeous website, Knowing Neurons, and this is a nice li’l cellular research update from the good folk at Harvard Check ‘er out!

And tech stuff … an article about the ways children’s social interactions are being warped, and this is an article about the case against teaching kids to be polite to AI.  The number of homes in the USA using devices like Alexa is staggering.  This is a worry: Canadian parents wanting to opt out from having their kids participate in the google-ification of classrooms are finding it difficult to do so.   Here is a report going deeper into the the ways that tech companies discourage us from exercising our rights to privacy.  Deceived by design!

AND THIS!!!  A report  about the impact of persuasive design on childhood.  Crikey.

Don’t wait till next year’s screen free week: reclaim your weekend right now!   (and you might wanna register for the next free webinar from the Children’s Screen Time Action Network).  Irony of connection via a screen is acknowledged!!

More goodness here: I love the TRUCE toy guides, and this is one especially for infants and toddlers, this is a newsletter with an adolescent focus from our pals at Brainwave, and I flippin love these images of working archeologists doing their thing with their pregnant bellies along for the ride!

Here is a cool book to encourage confidence in our girls, this is an episode of the NPR show Planet Money  with a focus on female computer coders (where’d they all go?) and here is a report from Ohio about a concept I used to dream about: our young folk and our older folk all together. 

Home stretch: a resource from the Center for the Developing Child about the impact of early adversity on child development, an article for dads of daughters, and I love this piece from by Lauren Porter published in Natural Parent Magazine, about infant sleep.

Finally: hooray to Jacinda at the UN.  Kei te whakakake matou ki a koe!!  We are so proud of you.

(and Clarke … Hi, it’s me.  Your cool auntie.  The one who has been reading & thinking & learning about babies for decades.  I only say this because I love you, and I want what’s best for Neve and therefore her parents and therefore the ever-outward-rippling circles of humanity … it’s cute to quip intimate moments of family life as a contrast to the formality of moving in diplomatic circles, but honey, what you did there with your whole “cute alert: busted watching late-night TV” thing is make a joke about the equivalent of blowing second hand smoke in baby Neve’s face.

And I know you don’t mean to do that, and you kinda get a pass because you’re bearing the brunt of being the cocoon to this precious infant in strange places with uncanny time zones and YOU GO, you’re doing great.  But honey, remind me when I see you, we need to talk about infant regulation.

People are going to be looking to you, Clarke, as first Dad of Aotearoa, and it’s not cool to make light of the casual saturation of babies into a digital world which held no regard for their wellbeing, in design nor implementation.

You get a pass, you’re traveling.  I’ve done that, with babes.  It’s tough.  Look, we all make comprimises between what we want/need and what our baby wants/needs, but if you’d read what I’ve been reading about the scale and extent of the potential harm done when parents don’t limit their digital use in the presence of their children – especially their babies – you would keep this joke among your close friends, and you’d model skilful behaviour for the benefit of the watching public.

New parents have to amend their digital habits. We don’t smoke inside the house, and we don’t consume digital media like we did before this baby arrived.  Cool auntie says: Not in our family.  We are world leaders now, Jacinda has made it so.  And, Clarke!  You are the first Dad of Aotearoa!   So let’s be a bit more careful how we talk about a habit, in this case the casual consumption of entertainment media, that will be come to be thought of, if not like tobacco, like alcohol.

My grandad was given whiskey when he was an infant, he survived.  Neve will survive this too!  I’m not giving you a hard time, Clarke.  I’m telling you cos I love yiz.   Just come over and stay and we can talk all about it.  But wait till my dining room repaint is finished, K?  xx

super fast roller coaster, with a deliberately chilled out soundtrack

oh babe new septKia Ora e hoa ma,

What a day.  What a week!  A week in which the pictured issue of OHbaby! was released, there is an article in there that I wrote about our Minds … with deep and humble respect to Dan Siegel!  

And there was this luscious bit: last Monday I heard (shout out to the hardest working researcher in showbiz!  Tēnā koe, Keryn!) that Sue, Executive Director extraordinaire of Brainwave  Trust Aotearoa had shared some goodies with our Prime Minister, new mum Jacinda Ardern.  Well, blow me down … one of the three articles she passed along is one that I had written some years back.  It still stands up, I’m stoked.  I could barely be more excited … I long for some sit down conversation with Jacinda, and until then, this will do nicely!

I had a useful couple of meetings at university, I got a truckload of work done here in my office (aka my happy place) and as I type this, my kitchen is undergoing a long awaited massage!  This means I am without an oven for the foreseeable future.  Bring on the weird dinners!!

Also today, I watched the most recent webinar by the Children’s Screen Time Action Network, featuring the authors of the book Screen Schooled.   It was all sorta energizing, kinda depressing.

HEY: For face-to-face training of a different ilk (love that word) then won’t you please check out this offering “The Approach of Dr Emmi Pikler in AotearoaNew Zealand” … I’m confident that anyone attending will be inspired, educated, and will find community.  It’s in October, in the central bit of Te Ika a Maui.

A few random links to finish: this is Evolutionary Parenting, which I love, and one of the peeps on the webinar today shared this link, which is some interesting research dealing with how long it takes us to get back in the groove when we’re interrupted.

This is an interesting article from Mothering Mag, reporting on a study about how our workplace interactions can overflow into our homes (and it’s the kids who cop it!) .  Speaking of kids copping it (!!!) here is a call for more thoughtful design in high rise apartments, and this is a most fascinating something from Harvard about sleep deprivation and subsequent possible effects.  Nap time, anyone?

vive la France!

Salut mes amis,
Kia Ora e hoa ma,
G’day mates,  hey y’all, hello my friends.

The resistance is rumbling.  There have been courageous law changes in France meaning that the children and adolescents there are being given mandated time away from the persuasive design of the tech companies that live in all our cellphones and feed off our attention.

Speaking of which, I enjoyed this trifecta of articles about Yondr, which is a simple and exciting option for creating tech-free oasesYes, schools are a perfect place to be phone-free, (may I remind you of this report from the London School of Economics) but also at live shows (we should all be allowed to be one with the music without fear of some meanie uploading our gyrations & undulations without permission!)

Meanwhile, the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood have sent this open letter to Mark Zuckerberg (if you know him, give him a nudge will you?) the Children’s Screen Time Action Network are continuing to advocate and agitate, which is just as well; because there are multiple layers to the weirdness of tech in kids’ lives, like how our distracted parenting can lead to bonkers patterns of child misbehaviour (and subsequent avoidance … the downward cycle of technoference, just like McDaniel told ya), OR like how our tech habits at bedtime are robbing our children of sleep.  

(ah, Sleep!  I love you so!)

Other stuff: crazy finding reported here by Scientific American, about the likelihood of women with heart problems dying/not dying upon admission to an emergency room depending upon the gender of the doctor on duty that day, HERE is a transcript to a wonderful interview with Ashley Montagu, and this is a link to an article I wrote aaaages ago, for my pals at OHbaby!.  Love y’all!

Finally: new podcast obsession this week … Song Exploder.  All hail Jonathan Van Ness, whose Getting Curious podcast led me there.

Podcasts.  They are amazing.  Put them on the list of things I do quite like about tech.

 

 

sharing, by clearing (tabs)

Sooner or later I’m going to have to learn how to use some of the tools at my disposal.  I can barely use my computer, I’m not sure I could even thread up my sewing machine, and I’m terrified of the new software I need to master.  To reference, graph, and get my shit together. 

I’m so mad at tech.  How will I learn to love her?  Appreciate the good bits.  Get playful with leaning new software.  Play with the wonderful communicative bits.

Like sharing stuff.  That is a cool gift.  Access to all the stuff.  I need to share some:

Here is an awesome article (with some blue language, look out) from Esquire magazine, about Fred Rogers.  The man is a hero.  Apparently there is a new movie coming out about Mr Rogers’ life.  If I was a diligent blogger I’d go find you a link, but I’m due at a school assembly, and my computer is running slow!

Very good resource here, based around Bruce Perry’s Regulate, Relate, Reason, which is some life changing stuff.  Ain’t foolin.

Now here is an article from the Huffington Post, about how we are all checking our smartphones more than we know.  It’s becoming apparent to me that the ‘checking behaviour’ is possibly more an indicator of worrisome stuff than just straight ‘time on screen’ measures.

More on that later.

Hey, anyone lucky enough to be near Sydney in September could go hear Stuart Shanker.  How about all the S’s in that sentence!  Here is a gift from his blog, about defiant children and diagnoses.  

Last year, I had cause to spend a lot of time in an ICU.  I was the family person in charge of an intense scenario.  I am so glad that there are people working to make that scene less weird and terrifying.  

Here is a cool 2 minute video intro to Roots of Empathy.  If you don’t know what  I am talking about, you needa watch it.

I am obsessed with this photo and this bathmat.

The more my iPhone plays music to me and the less I look at it, the better.  Singing rules.

school holidays = best and worst times of a mama’s life!

Hello my friends,

All is sunny and cold on this bit of my island.  We plan a road trip, hubby and gals and I, business mixing with (what I hope will be) some pleasure.  I am struggling because I really would rather my kids looked out the window, bickered and grizzled and “are we there yet?”-ed, but everyone else – from the kids themselves to my goodly husband to the lady who waxes my legs – insists that it’s oK to use devices on road trips.

Aeroplanes – fine.  But road trips?  Through devastatingly beautiful scenery?  Aargh … I cannot find peace around that one.  Not today, at least.  Ask me tomorrow, 5 hours in to the 6 hour drive.

ANYWAY.  Some links for the baby geeks among us.  First, some shame and outrage.  The current government of the USA just seem determined to be the baddies of the world.  Not only did they oppose the WHO’s resolution to support breastfeeding, they bullied Ecuador like a bunch of corporate loving monsters.  I want to be loving to all humanity, really I do.  But if I had the chance to poke the 45th prez in the eye, I’d do it.  If I could shove his cronies into icy river water, I’d do it.  If I could push him down a flight of stairs, I would.  If I’m doing the pushing, shoving and poking out of love for others, does that make it ethically OK?

NOW, in other news, here is a cornucopia of goodness from Stuart Shanker (who I have met, and did not push in a river or poke in the eye, but rather shook his hand) and his Canadian crew.  It is a slew of resources about self-regulation and I think you’ll love ’em.

Also, a trifecta of resources dealing with the same thing: here is the original report from the London School of Economics, this is an article from the Guardian which summarises the findings,  and here is a recent opinion piece  which references them both.  What are we dealing with?  The case for banning cellphones in schools, and the demonstrated gains in academic performance that would flow from this bravery – especially for poorer performing students.

This is a piece from the Harvard Medical School which celebrates the work of one of their whānau, elevating the importance of mental health care (why, yes!) and this is a youtube video in which Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal theory (which is amazing, important, and brain-achy) is made most understandable.  Enjoy!

 

BYO sunshine, outrage, action & poetry

Kia Ora ladies and gentlegeeks,

Warm soup and winter sunshine.  What a joy it is to be alive when you’re fortunate in the birth lottery (yay, NZ in the 70’s!  Yay!  Thanks Papatuanuku!) but jeepers, mate, there is lameness and horror a-plenty.  I was just crapping on to my big brother over coffee a few days back about how if we could just ask all scenarios an overarching question (be the scenario designing a town hall, or prioritising health funding, or creating immigration policy) all would shift.

The question:
What would this mean for babies?

Whatever it is.  Going for a walk.  Approving an irrigation scheme.  Consent processes and elected officials would all have to prove how their decisions impact babies.  Most parents are pretty good at considering how their decisions impact their own babies (“if we stay for dinner, what does that mean for our bedtime routine?”), so we must now all consciously expand to our infuse all our decisions, large and small, with babyhood.

Because if it’s good for babies, it’s good for everyone (friends!  You know why!  Because attachment and neurobiology and human potential.  Because overstimulation and pace and wellbeing.  That’s why!

The only group I can think of who will suffer if we truly prioritise infant wellbeing are those with financial interests in selling nonsense to babies’ families.

And they can stuff off, anyway.

We have a rare opportunity here, because our Prime Minister just gave birth to her first child.  Well done, Jacinda!  And now you get to view decisions large and small through a lens you didn’t even know existed.  None of us knew, till we knew.  Welcome.  Nau mai, haere mai.  Welcome, Baby Neve, to the world.  And welcome, Jacinda, to motherhood.

raise your hand if you’re fed up

Screen Shot 2018-06-11 at 12.35.10 PMKia Ora my friends.  Here is the image that accompanies the Proceedings of the 2nd International Neurosequential Model Symposium from 2016.  Y’all, I was there!  I presented (and sobbed.)  And guess whose scrappy l’il piece closes out this auspicious document?  Can you even stand it?  Because I’m not sure I can!

Now I need to share some links, before my cranky old bones prohibit any more computer work.  First, get ready for outrage, and then please share it with at least a half-dozen of your pals in education.  This is an article about the way that Google has infiltrated schools and is making loyal clients of children, and praps it’d be a good time to brush up on the ways that a Google search is not a neutral beast.  How many of the children googling away in their classrooms today know this?  How many of their teachers have even considered it?

NOW, then: check this out … from PC Mag, no less, making the case for less tech in classrooms.  It exposes that same notion: that tech in schools is for the benefit of advertisers and companies, not children.  UGH.  And LOOK at the lengths that tech companies will go to, distancing themselves from the idea that they have a part to play in child wellbeing: “Our children’s apps aren’t directed at children.”  PARASITES.   We simply must share the truth about the ways that we (and worse, our kids) are being manipulated!  Love you, Tristan Harris!!

For resources, info, inspiration and community in the fight against such nonsense, please behold the proceedings from the first Children’s Screen Time Action Network conference.  I know, you gotta get online.  Irony is a funny gal.  And ALL HAIL Maryland, who seems to be leading the way in having legislative challenge to the “all-tech, all-the-time” school landscape.

Instead, we gotta emphasise what children need.  They need time with their family (mate, I LOVE this article ….) They need actual humans to read them stories.   They need adults to pay attention to what they actually need!  And they need schools that do more than just market to them.

Meanwhile, we need to spend time offline (quiet time alone, every day!  SWOON!) we need to resist the pace of the on-demand lifestyle, we need a bloody good night’s sleep, and we need community.

An article here from Mothering with a new take on the ACE study, and this is a link to an article I wrote aaaaages ago, for our pals at OHbaby! mag.

quick and squinty

Geeks!

I have a bit of a headache and I suspect tech use is not helping.  Eyes are unhappy, so I’ll make this snappy.  Damn, I’m poetic under pressure!

K: so, let’s begin and end with podcasts, shall we?  The first one I have listened to already – it’s good.  From the Urban Monk podcast, with our new pal Dr. Freed.  IT was a response to this awesome article on Medium, which we’ve linked to previous like.

While we are reviewing the need for caution around familial tech use, check out this article from the Atlantic, wondering how much we know about the tech habits of parents.  I’ve been doing a TON of reading on this very topic, now that I have university library privileges (WHOOP!! WHOOP!!).

This is why we are joining in on Screen Free Week – at least some family members are.  We just seem to need to be reminded about other stuff we love doing.  Lego!  Cross stitch!  Playing guitar!

I get the irony that I am online posting this during said week, but I’m at least trying to clear tabs before children return home.  And this is not entirely entertainment media.  So there.

Here is an article from Scientific American about implicit bias (cos, why not?) and this is a link to an abstract for a paper about doing postgrad study with a title that made me smile.

And check out the smartypants commenter on this article from Mothering magazine.  Oh wait, that’s me …

While we’re talking parental leave and Mothering mag, here is an article about the attitudes of women around the world maternity leave laws in the US.  Mate.  I shake my head.  If a culture isn’t cherishing mamas and babies, that is called Devolution.

Finally, to get us back on track, behold the wisdom and wonder of Dr. Dan Siegel, interviewed here on the Doctor Paradox podcast.  This is the one I haven’t listened to yet, but will tend to that tomorrow during school hours!  Thanks to the lovely Dr. C for this link.

becoming my own wife

Kia Ora my lovelies,

This beautiful picture accompanies an article I wrote for the fine folk at Family Times magazine.  The article can be found here, I hope you will enjoy it.

It’s very, very cold in NZ this week.  Autumn just decided to be Winter, for a few days.  We have had snow, sleet and gales and we’ve all busted out our puffy jackets.  At my house, I’ve relocated my laptop from my office (separate building, poorly insulated and fairly freezing) to the main abode.  Here I can keep a potbelly stove alight in the kitchen, and just now I lit the main firebox in the living room as well.  I know!  Bad ass!

I do this despite knowing I have electric forms of heat available, but my rural setting gives me permission to burn wood freely, and my state of self-wifing means I delight in performing these loving acts of care and nurture.  When I gather yet another heavy basket full of firewood, I do it as an act of love.  When I empty ashes a la Cinderella, it is as a gift to my future self.  As I vaccuum the inevitable trail of wood bits and sawdust, it is because I recognise my own right to pass the evening without crap stuck to my socks.

For weeks (years!) I have been grousing about my lack of a wife, (I know, greedy … because I want to keep my husband …) and sometimes I’m fairly jealous of my husband, because he has one.  So I’ve decided to imagine that I am my own wife.  In contrast to lots of the thinking I usually do about Self (or lack thereof!)  I am mucking around with the notion of compartmentalising my time – here I am at my desk, researching and writing.  Here I am folding a load of towels just so, so desk-self doesn’t have to worry about that domestic task.  Worker me, wifely me.  Both equally valuable.

Righty ho … I will now do the baby geek thang, and that is to share a variety of interesting links with you.

First, a news report about some important research highlighting the way that parental distraction by cell phones interrupts a child’s language learning abilities.  YIKES.   Tech is a risk to children in other ways, tooski, like YouTube stealing childrens’ data.  Classy.

Next, a TED talk about neuroplasticity, and LOOK!  The Royal Children’s Hospital in Melbourne has issued another of their excellent Policy Briefs, this one about the first 1000 days of a child’s life.

Now an article from Scientific American, about being a scientist and a mother  at the same time (I know, radical!) and that led to this piece by the same author about conferences and provision for breastfeeding mothers.

Here is a blog post advocating for sane social media policy in schools … love it.  I want to quote a paragraph from this and ask you to substitute”Social media”, “Facebook” and “tweet” in the following with “SeeSaw”, which is an app showing up in schools and EC centres in NZ.  I’m not a fan.  (I’m also not a fan of an education strategy which aims to put digital devices in the hands of all 6 year olds, but I’ll save that convo for another day).

Here goes:

Finally, when teachers or administrators are using social media in the classroom or at school activities, it models the addictive, life-negating behavior that we don’t want our kids to emulate. If teachers are looking for social media opportunities during the school day, then they are being distracted from the face-to-face, in-person contact that defines classroom education. Taking a selfie with a student, however well-meaning, conveys that the moment is less significant than the Tweet. Sad. I want my kid to feel that what she’s accomplished in class matters in its own right, even if it is not posted to Facebook!

 

I know plenty of y’all are keen on SeeSaw, and will disagree with me, and that’s OK … let’s discuss.