Category Archives: doubt

overthinkers anonymous

Posted on by

Dear www.baby.geek.nz

You are a dear wee website.  You have given me a place to file my thoughts and preserve a gigantic number of links (* or portals to wonderlands of learning and discovery, as I like to think of them).

You’re a bit of a secret, though, which is cool, but there is this thing I love to imagine you doing.  Just quietly.  I love to imagine that you, www.baby.geek.nz, have improbably become a useful launchpad, catapaulting conversations between thinking parents and scattering chat among other assorted family-folk.

In a world gone bonkers, only you manage to somehow bring together a pot pourri of links that is JUST SO MY CUP OF TEA.  Which shouldn’t surprise me, because I posted every darned last one of them.  Beginning with THIS, my very first blog post.  Awww, cute.

I do love you, darling website, and I promise I can change.  Please, baby(geek), just give me a little more time.  I dream of a bright future for us,

love,

Me xx

End scene.

Anyway, I’m obsessing more than usual about these notions of communication and internet and purpose because last week I went to a Social Media 101 training day.   Holla, Enterprise North Canterbury!  Tumeke, Simplify & Amplify!

It’s all very fascinating, and I kinda dig learning about the psychology of marketing, and why people do stuff and how to get them to do the stuff you think they oughta, I am horrified by what my dear late mother would’ve called the Coca-colonisation of the world.  The blatant and aggressive enslavement of populations by corporations too slick and sneaky to be outfoxed.  Really, I think we should all buy less.  Use less.  Do more for ourselves.  

And the whole technology of twitter and facebook and all their chums is flippin amazing.   As a tool, it’s the way to find all the peoples who care about the things.  Nana over here has to do some work … cos I’d love to find some thinking mamas and I think that’s where they are and yet I FEAR the lure of the devices.  Both for myself and for all of us!

Pads and Macs and smart phones and regular (dumb?) phones … OH … behold these amazing ads from China about resisting the phone addiction FOR THE CHILDREN …

… here’s the thing …. I’d love it if we could all get the fact that societies of useful adults – that is, adults who are kind, competent, smart, healthy, capable, or at least not incompetent dicks – those sorts of adults are more likely if they were gifted responsive, warm, calm, loving care while they were babies.  There.  It’s that simple.  I said it.

Not just me.  Heaps of people.  Like Harvard’s Center for the Developing Child.  Heaps.

And you cannot tell me, not even for a second, that the brains of human young will be as effectively nurtured by distracted adults whose faces glow from their device du jour than they will be by an adult available to meet their gaze, respond to their vocalisations, and make up lame songs.

Ladies and gentlegeeks, I think we gotta unplug more.  For ourselves, and sure as the dickens for our babies.

I mean, I’m all for the flow of mindfulness teaching, (at school!  Love it.)  I am generally very Mindful of Mindfulness, but I can’t help but think we wouldn’t need quite so much mindfulness training if we just spent a wee bit less time skittering between devices and leaping between operating systems.

It’s like how we eat tons of fatty food and then obsess about weight loss.  I’m talking about us as a culture, not YOU.  Or ME.  Just all of us, you know?  Truly: if we did like Michael Pollan … “eat food, not too much, mostly plants” and then went for walks and did some yoga then VOILA!  Wellness.

Sorry.  I’m a bit didactic and grouchy tonight.  I’m angsting.

Yeah, I angst about encouraging folks deeper into the digital world and further from the juicy messy deliciousness of real life.  And yet I love the handiness of a magical box that sings the commercials of my youth and finds me amazing recipes and connects me to people I love, all over the world.

What the flip.  Modern life … I need me my online yoga before bed.  Love you, Adriene, my electronic friend!

Irony, she lives.

My kid is 3. Yes, I’m on maternity leave. Still. Any questions?

Posted on by

I have had a baffling few weeks as a baby geek and a toddler person and an educator and a mama and a professional and a slave(!).

Long and short of it: we (people who are kaiako/educators for the Brainwave Trust) had been invited to update our profiles on the website.  I got a snazzy new photo and was keen to rejig the text, which boldly stated that I was on maternity leave, caring for the child born in 2012.

And it’s true.  I am.

And I’m glad to.  Happy to.  Privileged to.  Proud to!

So why was my motivation in updating said profile the removal of those words?  Just what it is it about being a FULL TIME STAY AT HOME MOTHER that made me want to massage that truth and call it something else?

Cos yeah, freelance writer.  And yeah, doing postgrad study.  But oh, HELL yeah – I’m a mother.  I’m the keeper of the castle and I care for my kids.  So why, even amidst the most pro-family and child friendly of colleagues, do I find it necessary to deny that title?

Full time parent.  That’s me.

Yes, three years on.  Yes, at least until she starts school.  So there.

But I chickened out.  Not only rejigged text but made the decision to pull my profile down altogether, cos it’s gonna be years until I can offer to help anyone!  But quick, before it gets removed, check out my fancy new photo!

That’s not all.  I had a gig booked, my first for ages.  I was thoroughly looking forward to it, had learned new tricks in Keynote.  Great client, juicy content.  Lovin’ life.  But then, little girl was sick.  Little girl was sick and husband was not in a position to cancel his life.

So guess what?  I canceled.  Gutting for me, but the right thing to do.  Cos when you’re three years old with a raging temperature and strep throat, what you need is your mum.

Yeah!

Quickly now, cos it’s what we do on this website, I will now throw a variety of links into your lap: THIS is Kids in the House, which is a parenting website like no other!  Enjoy.  I’d love to share this excellent bit o’ writing from Mothering about a new mother’s body belonging to HER.  And it’s been a while since I sent y’all to this glorious collection, but this is a variety of Policy Briefs from the Royal Children’s Hospital in Melbourne.  It’s fab.

Now here’s an interesting piece about infant temperament and culture, and here is a website from Arizona all about their initiatives to support family.  Next, a gift for new families about settling babies.  Yum.

Compare structured parenting with Free Range parenting here, and here is a very good thang from the Huffington Post about the power of home visiting programmes for changing outcomes for kids in poverty.

Finally, it may or it might not be the best kindergarten you’ve ever seen, but this is an inspiring TED talk all the same.

Big shout out of thanks and support to Jo, who organised the workshop I had to cancel, to brother Nate for always listening, and also to Pennie, who continues to be so flippin supportive of me, at home with my kids.

tell the children the truth

Posted on by

Hey friends and geeks

I came to a life of Baby Geek-ery via the wonderful world of early childhood education.  And I’m pretty sure that I trained as an early childhood teacher during a Golden Age – the early nineties, when funding wasn’t that bad and when Te Whariki -the glorious curriculum of New Zealand ECE – was just being published.

We were taught about cool, mildly radical ideas like the Anti Bias Curriculum, which is a way of thinking, being, and organising life in an early childhood centre with a view to actively promoting social justice.  Instead of ignoring the racist graffiti, teachers with an Anti Bias focus arm their children with paint and brushes and explain the need to obliterate the ugly sentiments.

I’ve been wondering where this gentle activism is, in light of the influx of princess play and the pinkification of girlhood.  (re: pinkification … Enjoy this awesome blog by an at-home dad, Man Vs. Pink, which I learnt of here thanks to a geeky observer).

Meanwhile, I am as ever conscious of the way that children are marketed to and how marketers prey upon our young.  And while the adults who care are signing petitions and lobbying corporates, I wonder who’s in the trenches, actively teaching mellow radicalism to young children.  Children need to be taught the truth about the adults who will try to exploit them for money.  Those selling things to our kids don’t make decisions about what or how to sell based around love and concern for our beautiful children, they make decisions that serve their shareholders.

Just this past fortnight, my very own Little Girl’s third birthday included more Disney product than I am comfortable with.

So I am wondering what has happened to the Anti-Bias idea, whether it stops at issues of race and ability or whether we need to be stirring up a bit of awareness around commercialisation, sexism, and sexualisation of childhood.

Tell the children the truth!

 

life by the bucketload.

Posted on by

As I type this I can see more apples falling from the trees of my crazy-prolific wee home orchard.  Already today I’ve scooped up SIX bucketloads (many were fed to our pigs).  Add to that the THREE bucketloads of ash I emptied from the firebox in the living room and I would call that a bucket list of a different sort.

This is a link of many of the podcasts that Nathan and I recorded back in the summer.  If you haven’t seen any, make a cuppa and hang out with us for a few minutes.

Now I gotta share with you something just fantastic … something I wish everyone would read … an amazing piece from the Atlantic, called “How to Land your Kid in Therapy”.  It is an absolutely astonishing article and you can find it here … It kind of challenges our parental preoccupation with “You are so special and I want you to be happy!”

Similar but different article is here from Slate, about motivating teenagers (also about letting kids experience failure).

(I am hereby mildly obsessed with the word eudaemonia.  Thanks to stats geek for this word o’ the day!)

Anyhoo, speaking of having your thinking challenged … as visitors to this website know, I’m very pro-mindfulness.   Especially as it applies to parenting.  But it is pretty interesting to read an alternative perspective to being all-mindful, all the time … ah yes!  The beauty and power of a wandering mind!  Enjoy.

A couple more links now … a kind of beginners guide to attachment theory is in this piece by ABC news (I TRY to resist the urge to say “like, durrr … are you just learning this now?”)

Anyone want to join me for Screen Free Week, 2014?  This geek pledges.  Can I coerce the other members of my family to join in … watch this space.

And for no good reason except I need to be reminded: those of us in the southern hemisphere might like a reminder of what to do in our veggie patches about now.

 

dishwasher hums

Posted on by

the gurgling of my dishwasher is a revered sound.  It suggests order, productivity, and rest.  All at the same time!

Today begins with a link to a piece on Pennie Brownlee’s blog.  It rules. I want you to read this very much indeed.  Here is a link to some research describing the physical pain of social exclusion.  I always suspected that sticks and stones could break my bones but words could also hurt me very much indeed.

This link will take you to a write up of research suggesting that playing with Barbie dolls could limit girls’ career choices … if y’all over there at Oregon State would apply the same rigor to exploring the Lego Friends malarkey that’d be great …

Finally: a few months too late for this mama but hopefully useful for someone else … how great are THESE – reusable pouches for your homemade purees!  I cringed every time I sent a disposable fruit-filled empty to the landfill.  But I sent them.  Cos my baby ate them.  (Sorry Al Gore!)  Ain’t that the thang?

doing it wrong

Posted on by

Geeks,
There seems to be a curse on the thinking mamas.  When it comes to motherhood, everyone I know (self included) endures waves of indecision, regret, self-doubt.

It would seem that we all believe ourselves to be doing it wrong.  Worse, I think we might just imagine that our sisters are magically doing it right.

Whatever “it” is. (discipline, sleep routines, dinnertime …)

And whatever “right” means.  (effortlessly, patiently, attractively …)

What is the seduction in the angsting?  Like, if we go back to work we worry that we are terrible mothers.  But if we stay home, we worry that we are terrible mothers.

So often a trawl through the literature will find arguments for and against just about anything:

So what’s a gal to do?  Momma Geeks … there is such a thing as overthinking.  There is power in trusting yourself, in honouring intuition and in tuning into that wee inner voice.  The one that comes from your gut.

In order to hear this in amongst the busy-ness and action of a family, find the thing that gives you quiet.  I cherish my weekly yoga class, and I go for a stroller-walk when I can, concentrating on my breath and footsteps on the asphalt (and on avoiding the oncoming trucks from the nearby quarry).  I know mamas who meditate, run, play music, read.  You gotta do the thing that gives you joy, peace, calm.

There is also great value in knowing which other voices to trust: I trust mine (usually) and I am lucky enough to have in my life other folks whose baby-views and family-thoughts matter.  Pals.  Mentors.

You know who you are.  And I thank you.