Category Archives: love

always learning

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picture sept 20crikey dick.  It’s all a bit full on at the moment.  But then I remember that something magnificent is always about to happen.

Like …I saw a tui in my garden just yesterday.  A Tui! As far south as me!  Very exciting.  Whakarongo ake au!

Some links on a beautifully rainy afternoon:

Ever wondered about what your (otherwise screen free?) infant thinks about Skype?  This piece from the Atlantic describes research exploring this.

Next: here is a mildly gross and infinitely cool piece that was in the New York Times about how baby backwash just might make breastfeeding a two way exchange of fluid and information.  Amazing!

This week I have LOVED this ol’ Radiolab interview with the late Oliver Sacks about his relationship with the periodic table.  STUNNING.  Then I read this piece he wrote about aging.  The Joy of Aging.  What a writer!  Oh, that mind!  RIP.

Keep on experiencing this world through your head and through your heart.  Why should you have to choose whether to be a head person or a heart person?  Can’t we be both?

 

 

overthinkers anonymous

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Dear www.baby.geek.nz

You are a dear wee website.  You have given me a place to file my thoughts and preserve a gigantic number of links (* or portals to wonderlands of learning and discovery, as I like to think of them).

You’re a bit of a secret, though, which is cool, but there is this thing I love to imagine you doing.  Just quietly.  I love to imagine that you, www.baby.geek.nz, have improbably become a useful launchpad, catapaulting conversations between thinking parents and scattering chat among other assorted family-folk.

In a world gone bonkers, only you manage to somehow bring together a pot pourri of links that is JUST SO MY CUP OF TEA.  Which shouldn’t surprise me, because I posted every darned last one of them.  Beginning with THIS, my very first blog post.  Awww, cute.

I do love you, darling website, and I promise I can change.  Please, baby(geek), just give me a little more time.  I dream of a bright future for us,

love,

Me xx

End scene.

Anyway, I’m obsessing more than usual about these notions of communication and internet and purpose because last week I went to a Social Media 101 training day.   Holla, Enterprise North Canterbury!  Tumeke, Simplify & Amplify!

It’s all very fascinating, and I kinda dig learning about the psychology of marketing, and why people do stuff and how to get them to do the stuff you think they oughta, I am horrified by what my dear late mother would’ve called the Coca-colonisation of the world.  The blatant and aggressive enslavement of populations by corporations too slick and sneaky to be outfoxed.  Really, I think we should all buy less.  Use less.  Do more for ourselves.  

And the whole technology of twitter and facebook and all their chums is flippin amazing.   As a tool, it’s the way to find all the peoples who care about the things.  Nana over here has to do some work … cos I’d love to find some thinking mamas and I think that’s where they are and yet I FEAR the lure of the devices.  Both for myself and for all of us!

Pads and Macs and smart phones and regular (dumb?) phones … OH … behold these amazing ads from China about resisting the phone addiction FOR THE CHILDREN …

… here’s the thing …. I’d love it if we could all get the fact that societies of useful adults – that is, adults who are kind, competent, smart, healthy, capable, or at least not incompetent dicks – those sorts of adults are more likely if they were gifted responsive, warm, calm, loving care while they were babies.  There.  It’s that simple.  I said it.

Not just me.  Heaps of people.  Like Harvard’s Center for the Developing Child.  Heaps.

And you cannot tell me, not even for a second, that the brains of human young will be as effectively nurtured by distracted adults whose faces glow from their device du jour than they will be by an adult available to meet their gaze, respond to their vocalisations, and make up lame songs.

Ladies and gentlegeeks, I think we gotta unplug more.  For ourselves, and sure as the dickens for our babies.

I mean, I’m all for the flow of mindfulness teaching, (at school!  Love it.)  I am generally very Mindful of Mindfulness, but I can’t help but think we wouldn’t need quite so much mindfulness training if we just spent a wee bit less time skittering between devices and leaping between operating systems.

It’s like how we eat tons of fatty food and then obsess about weight loss.  I’m talking about us as a culture, not YOU.  Or ME.  Just all of us, you know?  Truly: if we did like Michael Pollan … “eat food, not too much, mostly plants” and then went for walks and did some yoga then VOILA!  Wellness.

Sorry.  I’m a bit didactic and grouchy tonight.  I’m angsting.

Yeah, I angst about encouraging folks deeper into the digital world and further from the juicy messy deliciousness of real life.  And yet I love the handiness of a magical box that sings the commercials of my youth and finds me amazing recipes and connects me to people I love, all over the world.

What the flip.  Modern life … I need me my online yoga before bed.  Love you, Adriene, my electronic friend!

Irony, she lives.

linkin’ like a maniac

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Kia Ora geeks, friends, and onlookers,

Snow all over the ground at my place.  Winter wonderland, etc.

Let’s get cracking with a variety of juicy links, shall we?

First: our chums from the CBC in Canada have a story here about the fun and beauty of a crocheted playground.  Enjoy!

My three-year-old is currently obsessed with birthing (*specifically, umbilical cords.  She keeps asking for hers back …) and she loves nothing more than to watch this amazing video from TED.  I know I’ve linked to it before, but here it is again.  It’s sensational.  Also from TED – this summary of the ACE study, giving more reason for deliberate care of our youngest.

This is a write up from the Daily Mail in the UK about the summary of Happiness research completed by the Mayo Clinic.  LOVE this.  The 5-3-2 thing is revolutionarily simple and deluxe.  To contrast, here is a summary from Health.com of some of the worst habits for your mental health.

A couple of treasures from Early Childhood Australia now – this one about bringing the benefits of mindfulness to the classroom, and this stunner is from the most excellent Anne Stonehouse about the challenges of documenting learning in ECE.

More from our Australian cousins: a link here to some research confirming that mandatory naps for older children (ie in childcare settings) leads to less nighttime sleep.  Which is just what parents need … (how I long for a sarcastic font!)

This link will lead you to a piece that considers the ways that bullying from peers can be more damaging than abuse from parents, and meanwhile, here is some writing from Scientific American describing how harsh parenting will likely contribute to anxiety.  Sigh.

From the good folks at Hand in Hand Parenting comes this little article about Sharing, here’s an article about the super power that comes from being raised in a bilingual home, and a cautionary tale about the potential damage from cellphones being more intense for children.

From Slate now: a piece about how doing good unto others will bring benefits onto ONESELF.  Bonus!

And FINALLY … the Washington Post bring us the data around how the top few hedge fund managers (*which I’m pretty sure has nothing to do with topiary) earn more than all the kindergarten teachers in the US combined.  We live in crazy, beautiful, messed up times.

My kid is 3. Yes, I’m on maternity leave. Still. Any questions?

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I have had a baffling few weeks as a baby geek and a toddler person and an educator and a mama and a professional and a slave(!).

Long and short of it: we (people who are kaiako/educators for the Brainwave Trust) had been invited to update our profiles on the website.  I got a snazzy new photo and was keen to rejig the text, which boldly stated that I was on maternity leave, caring for the child born in 2012.

And it’s true.  I am.

And I’m glad to.  Happy to.  Privileged to.  Proud to!

So why was my motivation in updating said profile the removal of those words?  Just what it is it about being a FULL TIME STAY AT HOME MOTHER that made me want to massage that truth and call it something else?

Cos yeah, freelance writer.  And yeah, doing postgrad study.  But oh, HELL yeah – I’m a mother.  I’m the keeper of the castle and I care for my kids.  So why, even amidst the most pro-family and child friendly of colleagues, do I find it necessary to deny that title?

Full time parent.  That’s me.

Yes, three years on.  Yes, at least until she starts school.  So there.

But I chickened out.  Not only rejigged text but made the decision to pull my profile down altogether, cos it’s gonna be years until I can offer to help anyone!  But quick, before it gets removed, check out my fancy new photo!

That’s not all.  I had a gig booked, my first for ages.  I was thoroughly looking forward to it, had learned new tricks in Keynote.  Great client, juicy content.  Lovin’ life.  But then, little girl was sick.  Little girl was sick and husband was not in a position to cancel his life.

So guess what?  I canceled.  Gutting for me, but the right thing to do.  Cos when you’re three years old with a raging temperature and strep throat, what you need is your mum.

Yeah!

Quickly now, cos it’s what we do on this website, I will now throw a variety of links into your lap: THIS is Kids in the House, which is a parenting website like no other!  Enjoy.  I’d love to share this excellent bit o’ writing from Mothering about a new mother’s body belonging to HER.  And it’s been a while since I sent y’all to this glorious collection, but this is a variety of Policy Briefs from the Royal Children’s Hospital in Melbourne.  It’s fab.

Now here’s an interesting piece about infant temperament and culture, and here is a website from Arizona all about their initiatives to support family.  Next, a gift for new families about settling babies.  Yum.

Compare structured parenting with Free Range parenting here, and here is a very good thang from the Huffington Post about the power of home visiting programmes for changing outcomes for kids in poverty.

Finally, it may or it might not be the best kindergarten you’ve ever seen, but this is an inspiring TED talk all the same.

Big shout out of thanks and support to Jo, who organised the workshop I had to cancel, to brother Nate for always listening, and also to Pennie, who continues to be so flippin supportive of me, at home with my kids.

some goodies here

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Good morning friends & geeks,

First link to share this morning is a pro-breastfeeding piece, with a science writer from UK’s Telegraph suggesting our offspring will all be RICH if only we whip our boobies out. It’s gotta be worth a go!

Next: here is a link to an abstract from the Annals of Family Medicine.  Is exposing children to second hand smoke child abuse?  Have a wee click on the aforeposted link and see!  And this is another abstract … about disorganized attachment.  Such fun.

Now … this is a link that will whisk you to the Child and Family Blog and an article about how post-smacking-your-child-affection is utterly ineffective.  We’ve gotta resist the smacking at all, brothers and sisters.

Whaddya reckon about this … it’s suggesting that occasional video gaming is actually beneficial to children and their school success.  Surely, like everything, there is a whole lot of “it depends” at play here.

Finally, even though I do get mildly concerned when folks advocate a return to 1970’s parenting, there is definitely some good to be gleaned from this blog post shared with me by the Goddess of the North.  Just yesterday I was on the phone with a school mama longing for the days when kids just optimistically turned up for playtime without the crazy logistics involved in organising play dates, these days.

Kia Ora.

 

 

some good, some not

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Life is full of goodness and not-so-goodness, eh.

Like … a beautiful stack of firewood is most definitely good.  The fact that smacking one’s kids continues to be a default setting for many parents (including the allegedly progessive millennials!) is NOT good.

This amazing website from the UK is a dreamy resource for parents of new babies (and those who work with them) and this newsletter from the World Association for Infant Mental Health is another example of goodness.

Finally, self knowledge has gotta be good.  And warm drinks on cold days.  And friendship.  Relationships.  Even hugging strangers.  All good.

constant role changes

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smallest child is RIGHT into dramatic play just now.  We are assigned and reassigned roles all day long as she switches from one character to another, necessitating that we do also.

It leaves me mentally exhausted at day’s end.  As I am NOW.

I’ve got a deadline and a familiar mild creeping anxiety cos I have a writing deadline and no clue when I will knock it off.  It’s one of those topics that is so juicy and vital and I long to do it justice.  Yikes.

So some quick links before sleep …

Here’s a little something about babies and their dissociation … it can look like bubbas who are left to cry are settled but they AIN’T.  They’re just silently hurting.

The lovely Lammily doll is in production and my girls will be getting one for Christmas shshshshhhhhhhhh.

And listen … i am slowly reading this lifechanging book and I long to chat about it with other folks so someone else read it too, please … it just might change the way you think about humanity.  Not even joking.

 

perma-yawn

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not because life bores me, but because I am so often tired.  And as a mama who tries to keep away from screens whilst toddler is awake, (and cos smartphone makes me blind & squinty) i am barely able to return an email, let alone update a blog.

It’s all good.

This is so.

This, too, shall pass.

etc.

Links now:

I am a bit of a fan of Darcia Narvaez.  This is a collection of some of her writing.  Enjoy.  And when you’re done, can you let the folks @ The Age newspaper know that the best time for building resilience is during infancy & toddlerhood?

More soon.

mothers, children, families

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A couple of weeks ago I recorded some podcasts with my friend & colleague, Nathan Mikaere-Wallis.  They will be hosted by our friends at Family Times magazine and will be live in about ten days.  I completely, publicly forgot the referencing info for all this deluxe temperament research, so here is my atonement. 

Meanwhile, there is chaos and unrest in the Ukraine.  I wonder if any of you geeky friends were moved to tears by video of the “Send In the Mamas” protest?  Kind of reminds me of that story about Jimmy Carter getting stalled peace talks going again by having participants share family photos.  But I can’t find a reference for this story so there is a chance that I have made it up.

I have also been inspired by the extra-curricular work of the AWESOME children’s entertainer, the musician known as Raffi.   He has founded the Centre for Child Honouring, and you can learn about it by following that link back there.

A couple of links for the brainiacs: one is brand-spanking from the journal Pediatrics … here is the abstract describing interventions to improve cortisol regulation in children (Dr. Jack Shonkoff is listed as an author, so it’s gotta be good), AND this is an interview with neuroscientist James Fallon, whose brain scan suggests that he shares brain patterning with psychopaths.  Good times!

As always, I’d love to share more.  As always, the real-life demands of my real-life family must trump all else.  Arohanui xx

ways of saying “I love you”

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Kia Ora my geeky friends,

y’know, my wedding anniversary had me thinking about expressions of love … about how we can show our love in a lot of ways.  Nope, wasn’t even being pervy there.

I mean stuff like … I express my love for my kids via kisses, words, loving touch.   I also read the same (annoying) books again and again without (much) complaint, make fairly wholesome food on a fairly consistent basis, and put up with the wacky quirks of my wee mob.

In return, they put up with my wacky quirks, they kiss me and cuddle me right back.  Fair trade, I say.

And then there is that crazy phenomenon … where we let our worst behaviour show only for those we love and trust the most.  Polite in meetings all day, get home and be raggedy as to the family: it is a perverse compliment!

So I’ve been consciously attempting to frame it all as such: when my toddler lays a heavy “NO MUMMY!” my way, I think “how wonderful that she is so trusting as to let it all hang out.” Similarly, Big Girl’s eye rolling.  And does it make the night wakings any less exhausting (yes, mama from Nelson, I’m talking to you …) if we think of them as an expression of love, of desire for connection?

It makes me more able to redirect or object with a loving tone and some patience if I think of it this way.  You might express your love for me by trusting me with your ill feelings, and I will express my love for you by reminding you of the limits – as calmly as I can.

Whaddya reckon?  On to something, or deluded?

(As usual, the answer is likely to be “it depends“.)