Here are Little Girl and I promoting Screen Free Week 2019 in our local paper. The Week’s begun here in NZ, so I’ll make this snappy and save the multitude of awesome new links till next time! Enjoy your week offline, I know I will. Arohanui x x
Category Archives: gratitude
online opportunities and an article made of paper
Kia Ora my friends,
Here I am enjoying the latest issue of OHbaby! magazine. The story referenced on the cover (“Beyond Compare”) is one I wrote for them, about the Comparison Trap. She’s the thief of joy, etc. I’m proud of this article and it is my sincere hope that it’ll lighten the load for some mamas. Even if just a smidge.
Meanwhile, I am aware of a bunch of really good webinar type online conference sort of situations, and imma share those with you now, lest you have a bit of time, curiosity and flexibility.
Check these out, in no particular order …
This is the Happy Child Summit, I hope I didn’t leave posting too late. Quick, check it out for stress-busting and anxiety-conquering information. Free! Happening RIGHT NOW!
Also free, also a summit, this one featuring my pal Rick Hansen (*not actually a pal, I just dig his work, and I like to think we’d be pals if he turned up at my place to play board games!) here is the Brain Change Summit … looks juicy … starts (American) April 22, runs for 10 days. Free!
This looks awesome, for the educators among us. It’s a webinar called “From Teaching to Thinking” and it’s about fostering a culture of enquiry into ECE (& junior school?) classrooms. It’s on (American) April 17th. Free!
And TODAY (which is yesterday in the US) is the most recent of the webinars from the Children’s Screen Time Action Network. These have been GREAT. Although the name of this campaign is kinda lost in translation (“Wait till 8th” is about getting parents to pledge to wait to give their kids a smartphone until they’re in 8th grade, which is year 9 in NZ, aka 3rd Form to us old timers!) the discussion will be relevant, to be sure. Check it out … also FREE!
Speaking of “Wait till 8th”, their website has a great article co-written by Richard Freed (whose work I also dig!) and it’s called Parent like a Tech Exec. As we keep learning, as the creators of the addictive technologies we’re all using every day (and giving our kids to use …) are becoming parents themselves, there is a staunch movement to keep their kids away from tech. IRONY! My old friend! You’ll NEVER die!
Waiting to give your kids tech is hard, but wise. Soon enough they’ll be all in.
Finally, because it’s cool, here is a wee something about aviation … a commercial flight where the pilot just happens to be the co-pilot’s parent!! Have a look …
then tell me …
did you assume they were both blokes cos I carefully avoided pronouns back there?
alrighty, then … back to work
This geek has had a crazy end to summer & beginning of Autumn. A series of blessed distractions and beautiful messes. International family … travellers enriching my life (and borrowing my office space …) so I’ve been busy with tour guiding, housekeeping, translating.
In so doing, I’ve had the great privilege of visiting corners of our lovely island that I had never seen before … like Fiordland, and Lee’s Valley … and many other spots I know and love, like Castle Hill (which is sooooo much busier these days!).
So the joy has been forthcoming, and the gratitude for the miraculous accident of being kiwi born. Hard on the heels of all that joy, however, sits anxiety (“I need to hit my desk!”) and her cousin, guilt (“I should be doing some reading/note taking!”).
For now, I will clear off the tabs on my computer (OH! the things I long to share!) and I’ll ease back into the river … I’ve got 8 weeks to pull together a major bit of work, and then another 8 to pull together a couple more biggies. I’ll aim to avoid the riverbanks of Chaos and Rigidity, and strive to float down the middle, in the Wellbeing flow, where all is Integrated.
I’ll remind myself that I am capable, and that I do actually enjoy this sorta shizz. I’ll also remind my ol’ lady self (just had another birthday, watch me go!) that I AM THE BOSS OF ME … if this work gets the better of me, I have options! I’m not in prison! And if, periodically, it feels like I am … I will remind it’s a prison of my own making!
And I’ll be grateful to share some links with some geeks … first up, I LOVE THIS. It’s from a site called Ethical Research Involving Children, and it highlights a small but massively powerful change in seeking permission … check out this quote:
What is the change? Here is a typical statement in parental consent forms for children of all ages:
“As parent or legal guardian, I authorize (child’s name) to become a participant in the research study described in this form.”
Of course many variations of this wording exist, but the bottom line is that parents are asked to consent for their child to participate in research.
Try and use this instead:
“As parent or legal guardian, I give permission to the research team to approach my child (name of the child) and ask if he/she wishes to participate in your project.”
Right on! A parent provides consent for a researcher to INVITE a child to participate. That is an important distinction.
What else? Here is an amazing article from the deep thinkers at Renegade Inc., this is about education and it is worth a read. More on education, now … Did I share this yet? It’s an episode of the On Being podcast, in which neuroscientist Richard Davidson talks about the need to include kindness and practical love in classroom curricula. Speaking of classrooms, watch out that the youngest kids aren’t disproportionately being labeled as pathologically flawed just cos they’re young (so said research from the University College London), here’s something new to worry about (Wifi and cancer … oh dear) and here is a piece from the New York Times about the digital divide and how it’s not what we expected: these days, affluent parents are keeping kids off screens. Meanwhile, this article, also from NY Times, takes the idea further … Human Contact is Now a Luxury Good).
What’s that? We social mammals need social connection? Ya don’t say!!
A wee bit more tech stuff, this is about how difficult it can be to think straight with the many interruptions of a phone (BTW how do I make my laptop stop telling me when my phone receives an imessage? I don’t want to know!!) and here the good folk at the School of Life tell us how to live more wisely around our tech. Listen, if those of us who are fully grown are struggling with all this, we owe it to the small people to help them stay offline, and sane. As it is, the internet knows you better than your spouse does (so said Scientific American!), instagram makes you miserable, and we are all fighting the tide of Persuasive Design!!
(oooh, in unrelated news … I heard a great quote by Maria Popova about hope, cynicism and critical thinking … don’t you just love Brain Pickings? Check it all out, my friends!)
Home stretch now … This article from the Guardian implores American moms (but they might mean us non-American mums, too?) to stop feeling guilty and start getting mad … and it’s true … there is plenty to be mad about! I”m mad that so much misinformation about child development persists and I’m mad that so many people still casually disrespect children and it even makes me a bit mad that our opportunities in life are still heavily dependent upon where you are born. (Me: born in NZ in the 1970’s = BLESSED!! )
How to avoid stagnating in that mad place? Well, I look for things that crack me up, I look for ways to feel peaceful and move joyfully. I take action, I donate money (when I can) and I look after my gut!
Next time, my friends, we gotta get serious about planning for Screen Free Week, which starts at the end of this month. Till then, take care.
Arohanui, x xx
many links to … enjoy?
As is oft the case, my geeky brothers & sisters, a great many of the things I’m about to share with you might not exactly be *enjoyable*. But mate, they are important nonetheless.
So while the clock’s tickin’ and time’s a-wasting, I’ll just commence the link dump, shall I?
First, a really useful piece about being trauma informed in the classroom, and while we’re in the classroom, here is a lovely li’l something about the role of self-compassion in academic performance. Important, because look how harrowing grad school can be.
A few more screen-y links: here is something about the risks of choosing electronic socialisation over the kanohi ki te kanohi, face to face type, and the Guardian reminds parents not to let children take screens into bedrooms.
Here are a couple of research articles to seek out: this one carves a line between screen time and developmental screening scores, (which is problematic: check out THIS from the Independent pointing to how much more time the littles are spending on screens than they did even 15 or so years ago) … and this work points out how screen use during daily routines is contributing to social-emotional delays. As a counter, you might LEAN IN to the routines, thusly.
Reasons to resist, continued! In this interview, Chamath Palihapitiya (a former Facebook exec) says:
“I think we have created tools that are ripping apart the social fabric of how society works. The short-term, dopamine-driven feedback loops we’ve created are destroying how society works. No civil discourse, no cooperation; misinformation, mistruth. You are being programmed”
Other stuff now … HERE you will find an article about the ways that early development (specifically behaviour) points to earning power in adulthood, this is a piece from Psychology Today about the spotlight effect (how I love a research project that involves Barry Manilow!) and here is some goodness from Rick Hansen about taking in the good.
Speaking of good, check out this project that keeps people bicycling at all ages, here are five ways to nurture compassion in kids, and this is a slew of treats for the simplifier in your life. This is just about the coolest thing I’ve ever seen – haiku meet the Supreme Court of the US… and a final bit of inspiring reading is to be found here, and it is about self-definition. Yeah!
have yourself a geeky little Christmas
Kia Ora koutou, hello everybody!It has been a challenge to get to the computer, but I did it … even if just for a moment! To the left is a quote I’m rather proud of – I have an article in the most recent issue of OHbaby! mag, about mother’s bodies and the need to care for ourselves.
My usual annual ban on wintery Christmas songs (White Christmas, Sleigh Ride, etc) is temporarily abated – it almost feels like winter, because the conditions in my kiwi summertime are so spazzy (hail, rain, chilly temperatures). So what the heck, right? I could try being, as my Big Girl would say, “all chill”. Not my natural state!
Quick link dump for my friends, then I’m off to help Little Girl clean her bedroom – how could a person add gifts to chaos in good conscience?
Speaking of gifts, may we begin with this from the LA Times, it’s the advice of pediatricians this Christmas. Just say NO to electronic toys!
Other useful gift ideas: I have made another donation to RAICES, which is an organisation in Texas that gives legal representation to children who have been separated from their parents at the border. Seeking asylum is not a crime! If you can watch that video without crying you’re exempt from donation, I guess (but you may find coal in your stocking on Tuesday).
I supplemented that donation with the purchase of ITMFA gear for those I love. These small acts of resistance make it easier for me to spread kindness and joy, which I will continue to try doing, because the positive vibrations will have genuine impact!
May your festive season be full of family and love and mess and tasty treats. May you play board games, go for slow waddles around the block, and have the opportunity for a nap … but please exercise caution if your nap strategy involves plying children with screens. It is probably oK just that once, but unconscious screen use is a poor long-term solution, especially if the kidlets are super young. And don’t trust the buggers telling you it’s all chill! Even schools have been seduced. Exercise caution, friends. Use critical thinking. Even some cynicism might be useful here.
But before we slide into Grinch-y cynics all the time, here are some lush treats to close. This is Fred Rogers’ Emmy acceptance speech from 1997 (LOVE HIM), here is a link to the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkley, and this is a TED talk from Ilona Stengel about the role of emotion in science (big emotions here: I’m still tearing up from rewatching the Mr Rogers bit!).
Enjoy this rare and magnificent treat: Terry Crews channels Bob Ross for a restful gift, and I cannot get enough of the Inspirobot …
Speaking of awesome advocates and wise folk no longer with us, I await the film about the late, great Celia Lashlie with bated breath and I send extra greetings to her whānau at this poignant time of the year.
Finally: if you are involved in early education in New Zealand in any capacity, please take some time this summer to have a jolly good look at the info about the ECE strategic plan, and make your voice heard!
Arohanui, y’all x x x x
it’s fledgling season
when I’m at my sink or at my desk I have views to different bits of lawn. I can hear (I always hear them first cos they are LOUD) and see fledgling birds following their mothers around, and yelling for food.
It’s all I can do to not run out and give the fledglings a lecture. They could find a sweeter tone when they call out, surely. And then I’ll turn to the mother starling and insist she set some clear limits and encourage fledgling to develop the set of skills that will enable him to fend for himself, some day.
So I’ve been thinking about big ol’ fledglings, almost the same size as the parent but so clearly in need of their parents protection. And then LO! and behold I went to a delicious and delightful book launch last night, for a lovely book called EARLYBIRD, by Julie Burgess-Manning with illustrations by Jenny Cooper. You can order your copy HERE.
Anyway, it is a beautiful picture book for children and families about a Pukeko family whose new egg hatches too soon, the care that egg must receive and the ways that the li’l Pukeko can (and does) flourish. It will be such a gift for families to support understanding and hope during a really tricky time of life. More and more babies are born prematurely, so lots of families could use a bit of extra support and let’s just say access to such support is patchy. This book will help. All hail, Champion Centre!
Other things that have been happening include a busy week of presenting and a final date for university work, and I foolishly had an expectation of kicking back thereafter. Instead it’s catching up on appointments, tending to spring time garden, commitments with the kids, family stuff. Which is all a blessing, to be sure, but sometimes I long to switch lives with my 11 year old nephew. Muck around with a ball, eat, make fart jokes, do the occasional chore, eat, read, and sleep. Oh, and hang out with your mates.
Sounds AMAZING. That pretty much sounds like my dream holiday. Throw in a lounger, some yoga, and cocktail hour, and I am on vay-cay!
But I’m the Auntie, not the nephew, so I’d better make the most of it.
Nerding out is one way I do that, so please do join me in a quick link dump before I go make dins for my peeps.
Alright: first up … I saw another awesome webinar from the Children’s Screen Time Action Network, this one features Nancy Carlsson Paige and her content is so good … well, all of them have been good. Check out the archives HERE. Annnnnnnnd, that webinar also served as an announcement for the release of this piece of goodness, it’s Dr Carlsson Paige’s Parent’s Guide to Young Children in the Digital Age: it is both free and wonderful.
Hey: I learned about this event “Roaring on Aotearoa” .. TOO LATE! I have not read this book or heard of this movement but it looks like my cup of tea, 100%. Fingers crossed Santa could get that book for me. Did any of y’all get to go? Was it awesome? I did manage to get tickets for this, though … turns out I’m a sucker for slapstick British comedy. Blame my upbringing – big brothers = the Young Ones, etc.
Meanwhile, I thought this local bit about young leaders was both depressing and inspiring, and MATE our young people could use some back up, too … I ain’t lying about the need for caution around the tech and education for folks about the ways we’re being manipulated … in the meantime, we could all use the tech to look up loveliness like this recipe for simpler holidays from New Dream, then jot our favourite ideas onto a bit of paper and power down. Just for a couple of hours. GO ON.
work and play
oh, self discipline. I love how you’re getting me to stay at my desk and burn through my work, but it saddens me how this leaves us less time for joyful exercise! And when we are getting our workout groove on, the desk work feels utterly protracted! What to do?
Questions for the ages.
Here are some links for my pals …first … a link sourced from today’s webinar by the Children’s Screen Time Action Network (thanks, friends!) … please read this from the Atlantic … an article about distracted parenting. This is what my research is about, and it is reeeeeeeally real. We watched a short version of this documentary, and I defo want more. The session also reminded me of this excellent article by Richard Freed, which we’ve linked to before but WHAT THE HECK, here it is again. Digital detox, you say? Here is a how-to.
Now, here is a link to the site of a group called Defending the Early Years (sheesh, someone’s got to …) and OH here is another article from the Atlantic, this one about whether we should trust Alexa (which I think of as beginner AI … so the answer to the trust question is: of course not!). Even so-called safe education based platforms wind up exposing inappropriate stuff to kids
If you are not already subscribed to the excellent Evolutionary Parenting newsletter, check out some of their juicy goodness here and this is a chirpy little article about sexism in childcare (what comes first? The undervaluing of children, the mostly female workforce, or the low wages and status?)
If you’ve the strength, read this article from Scientific American, it’s about downplaying competition and upholding growth mindsets in education, and finally, here is an article I wrote a few years back for OHbaby! It’s humbling, because I have taken on more extra-curriculars than I had on my plate even then, so I reckon I am super un-fun-mum most of the times these days. Join me in a deep sigh, will ya?
DIY petrichor
Springtime is lovely in this garden. These past couple of weeks I have spent many blissful minutes under various blossoming trees, eyes closed, breathing deep, smelling sweet smells and hearing the productive meditation that is the buzzing of bees.Another blessing of spring is the excuse to hang out in my glasshouse. I’ve gotten some seeds started for the year (bit slow, actually, compared to my neighbours!) but nonetheless I relish the opportunity to go watering in there. It gets so parched in my glasshouse that when I water I can sometimes fake the most beautiful smell in the world, aka petrichor. Here is legendary Australian singer/songwriter Paul Kelly performing his song of that name.
What else? Some brain stuff: here is a gorgeous website, Knowing Neurons, and this is a nice li’l cellular research update from the good folk at Harvard Check ‘er out!
And tech stuff … an article about the ways children’s social interactions are being warped, and this is an article about the case against teaching kids to be polite to AI. The number of homes in the USA using devices like Alexa is staggering. This is a worry: Canadian parents wanting to opt out from having their kids participate in the google-ification of classrooms are finding it difficult to do so. Here is a report going deeper into the the ways that tech companies discourage us from exercising our rights to privacy. Deceived by design!
AND THIS!!! A report about the impact of persuasive design on childhood. Crikey.
Don’t wait till next year’s screen free week: reclaim your weekend right now! (and you might wanna register for the next free webinar from the Children’s Screen Time Action Network). Irony of connection via a screen is acknowledged!!
More goodness here: I love the TRUCE toy guides, and this is one especially for infants and toddlers, this is a newsletter with an adolescent focus from our pals at Brainwave, and I flippin love these images of working archeologists doing their thing with their pregnant bellies along for the ride!
Here is a cool book to encourage confidence in our girls, this is an episode of the NPR show Planet Money with a focus on female computer coders (where’d they all go?) and here is a report from Ohio about a concept I used to dream about: our young folk and our older folk all together.
Home stretch: a resource from the Center for the Developing Child about the impact of early adversity on child development, an article for dads of daughters, and I love this piece from by Lauren Porter published in Natural Parent Magazine, about infant sleep.
Finally: hooray to Jacinda at the UN. Kei te whakakake matou ki a koe!! We are so proud of you.
(and Clarke … Hi, it’s me. Your cool auntie. The one who has been reading & thinking & learning about babies for decades. I only say this because I love you, and I want what’s best for Neve and therefore her parents and therefore the ever-outward-rippling circles of humanity … it’s cute to quip intimate moments of family life as a contrast to the formality of moving in diplomatic circles, but honey, what you did there with your whole “cute alert: busted watching late-night TV” thing is make a joke about the equivalent of blowing second hand smoke in baby Neve’s face.
And I know you don’t mean to do that, and you kinda get a pass because you’re bearing the brunt of being the cocoon to this precious infant in strange places with uncanny time zones and YOU GO, you’re doing great. But honey, remind me when I see you, we need to talk about infant regulation.
People are going to be looking to you, Clarke, as first Dad of Aotearoa, and it’s not cool to make light of the casual saturation of babies into a digital world which held no regard for their wellbeing, in design nor implementation.
You get a pass, you’re traveling. I’ve done that, with babes. It’s tough. Look, we all make comprimises between what we want/need and what our baby wants/needs, but if you’d read what I’ve been reading about the scale and extent of the potential harm done when parents don’t limit their digital use in the presence of their children – especially their babies – you would keep this joke among your close friends, and you’d model skilful behaviour for the benefit of the watching public.
New parents have to amend their digital habits. We don’t smoke inside the house, and we don’t consume digital media like we did before this baby arrived. Cool auntie says: Not in our family. We are world leaders now, Jacinda has made it so. And, Clarke! You are the first Dad of Aotearoa! So let’s be a bit more careful how we talk about a habit, in this case the casual consumption of entertainment media, that will be come to be thought of, if not like tobacco, like alcohol.
My grandad was given whiskey when he was an infant, he survived. Neve will survive this too! I’m not giving you a hard time, Clarke. I’m telling you cos I love yiz. Just come over and stay and we can talk all about it. But wait till my dining room repaint is finished, K? xx
super fast roller coaster, with a deliberately chilled out soundtrack
Kia Ora e hoa ma,
What a day. What a week! A week in which the pictured issue of OHbaby! was released, there is an article in there that I wrote about our Minds … with deep and humble respect to Dan Siegel!
And there was this luscious bit: last Monday I heard (shout out to the hardest working researcher in showbiz! Tēnā koe, Keryn!) that Sue, Executive Director extraordinaire of Brainwave Trust Aotearoa had shared some goodies with our Prime Minister, new mum Jacinda Ardern. Well, blow me down … one of the three articles she passed along is one that I had written some years back. It still stands up, I’m stoked. I could barely be more excited … I long for some sit down conversation with Jacinda, and until then, this will do nicely!
I had a useful couple of meetings at university, I got a truckload of work done here in my office (aka my happy place) and as I type this, my kitchen is undergoing a long awaited massage! This means I am without an oven for the foreseeable future. Bring on the weird dinners!!
Also today, I watched the most recent webinar by the Children’s Screen Time Action Network, featuring the authors of the book Screen Schooled. It was all sorta energizing, kinda depressing.
HEY: For face-to-face training of a different ilk (love that word) then won’t you please check out this offering “The Approach of Dr Emmi Pikler in AotearoaNew Zealand” … I’m confident that anyone attending will be inspired, educated, and will find community. It’s in October, in the central bit of Te Ika a Maui.
A few random links to finish: this is Evolutionary Parenting, which I love, and one of the peeps on the webinar today shared this link, which is some interesting research dealing with how long it takes us to get back in the groove when we’re interrupted.
This is an interesting article from Mothering Mag, reporting on a study about how our workplace interactions can overflow into our homes (and it’s the kids who cop it!) . Speaking of kids copping it (!!!) here is a call for more thoughtful design in high rise apartments, and this is a most fascinating something from Harvard about sleep deprivation and subsequent possible effects. Nap time, anyone?
vive la France!
Salut mes amis,
Kia Ora e hoa ma,
G’day mates, hey y’all, hello my friends.
The resistance is rumbling. There have been courageous law changes in France meaning that the children and adolescents there are being given mandated time away from the persuasive design of the tech companies that live in all our cellphones and feed off our attention.
Speaking of which, I enjoyed this trifecta of articles about Yondr, which is a simple and exciting option for creating tech-free oases. Yes, schools are a perfect place to be phone-free, (may I remind you of this report from the London School of Economics) but also at live shows (we should all be allowed to be one with the music without fear of some meanie uploading our gyrations & undulations without permission!)
Meanwhile, the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood have sent this open letter to Mark Zuckerberg (if you know him, give him a nudge will you?) the Children’s Screen Time Action Network are continuing to advocate and agitate, which is just as well; because there are multiple layers to the weirdness of tech in kids’ lives, like how our distracted parenting can lead to bonkers patterns of child misbehaviour (and subsequent avoidance … the downward cycle of technoference, just like McDaniel told ya), OR like how our tech habits at bedtime are robbing our children of sleep.
(ah, Sleep! I love you so!)
Other stuff: crazy finding reported here by Scientific American, about the likelihood of women with heart problems dying/not dying upon admission to an emergency room depending upon the gender of the doctor on duty that day, HERE is a transcript to a wonderful interview with Ashley Montagu, and this is a link to an article I wrote aaaages ago, for my pals at OHbaby!. Love y’all!
Finally: new podcast obsession this week … Song Exploder. All hail Jonathan Van Ness, whose Getting Curious podcast led me there.
Podcasts. They are amazing. Put them on the list of things I do quite like about tech.