Author Archives: Miriam McCaleb

ways of saying “I love you”

Posted on by

Kia Ora my geeky friends,

y’know, my wedding anniversary had me thinking about expressions of love … about how we can show our love in a lot of ways.  Nope, wasn’t even being pervy there.

I mean stuff like … I express my love for my kids via kisses, words, loving touch.   I also read the same (annoying) books again and again without (much) complaint, make fairly wholesome food on a fairly consistent basis, and put up with the wacky quirks of my wee mob.

In return, they put up with my wacky quirks, they kiss me and cuddle me right back.  Fair trade, I say.

And then there is that crazy phenomenon … where we let our worst behaviour show only for those we love and trust the most.  Polite in meetings all day, get home and be raggedy as to the family: it is a perverse compliment!

So I’ve been consciously attempting to frame it all as such: when my toddler lays a heavy “NO MUMMY!” my way, I think “how wonderful that she is so trusting as to let it all hang out.” Similarly, Big Girl’s eye rolling.  And does it make the night wakings any less exhausting (yes, mama from Nelson, I’m talking to you …) if we think of them as an expression of love, of desire for connection?

It makes me more able to redirect or object with a loving tone and some patience if I think of it this way.  You might express your love for me by trusting me with your ill feelings, and I will express my love for you by reminding you of the limits – as calmly as I can.

Whaddya reckon?  On to something, or deluded?

(As usual, the answer is likely to be “it depends“.)

monday linking

Posted on by

quick link dump:

an oldie but a goodie … new mamas learn a lot from watching their babies.   Meanwhile, this is a link about choosing quality toys, from Zero to Three, and speaking of playtime, I love this from Attachment Parenting International about playful parenting of older kids & teens.

Here is an interview with the author of “Slow Parent”, and in celebration of time spent in my garden with the toddler today … here is the herb blog from the good folks at Kings Seeds.

listening. and linking.

Posted on by

Friends,

As my dear late mama used to say “we have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we talk”.

I’ve been working hard to be a better listener of late: toddler, big girl, hubby & friends.  Sometimes I’m good at it and other times I’m appalling.  But it’s humbling how hard I have to work.

Let’s start with a lovely reminder of the camaraderie of motherhood.  Tired mothers: you’re not alone.

This is a link to a li’l cautionary piece about kids and screens, here is another version of the same thing (with handy advice for parents, this time!) and check this out: children are way more distracting to drivers than cellphones!

This is a luscious list to give us some alternative ideas to use in discipline with our kids and this is some pretty fascinating research about aggressive behaviour and a possible link to epigenetic changes during pregnancy & early childhood.

OH! And while we’re thinking about early brain stuff (aren’t we always!) you gotta listen to my dear friend & esteemed colleague Nathan Mikaere Wallis talking early brain development on Radio New Zealand’s Nine to Noon show.  HERE is the link. 

When you finish, p’raps you’ll join me on a quest to be a more attentive & honest listener.  Do you find it as tricky as I do?

linking. ‘cos that’s what this geeky girl does.

Posted on by

article illustrationThis post begins with a shout-out to Good magazine, for they are the first media anything I have come across who have suggested that breastfeeding is one wise response to the recent scares surrounding contaminated infant formula (real or imagined).

Next is a website that I cannot believe it’s taken me so long to find.  Squint Mom – science and thinking and babies and family.  Love.

Gotta stop – 20 month old child expresses displeasure at my being on computer by faux crying, saying “Mama! Tuddle!  Sad!” as she clings to my thigh.  Feel like a fraud, a phony.  And the veggies ain’t prepping themselves.

 

doing it wrong

Posted on by

Geeks,
There seems to be a curse on the thinking mamas.  When it comes to motherhood, everyone I know (self included) endures waves of indecision, regret, self-doubt.

It would seem that we all believe ourselves to be doing it wrong.  Worse, I think we might just imagine that our sisters are magically doing it right.

Whatever “it” is. (discipline, sleep routines, dinnertime …)

And whatever “right” means.  (effortlessly, patiently, attractively …)

What is the seduction in the angsting?  Like, if we go back to work we worry that we are terrible mothers.  But if we stay home, we worry that we are terrible mothers.

So often a trawl through the literature will find arguments for and against just about anything:

So what’s a gal to do?  Momma Geeks … there is such a thing as overthinking.  There is power in trusting yourself, in honouring intuition and in tuning into that wee inner voice.  The one that comes from your gut.

In order to hear this in amongst the busy-ness and action of a family, find the thing that gives you quiet.  I cherish my weekly yoga class, and I go for a stroller-walk when I can, concentrating on my breath and footsteps on the asphalt (and on avoiding the oncoming trucks from the nearby quarry).  I know mamas who meditate, run, play music, read.  You gotta do the thing that gives you joy, peace, calm.

There is also great value in knowing which other voices to trust: I trust mine (usually) and I am lucky enough to have in my life other folks whose baby-views and family-thoughts matter.  Pals.  Mentors.

You know who you are.  And I thank you.

 

an article

Posted on by

Hello geeks!  Here is a link to an article I wrote for our pals at Tots to Teens.

And some other interesting links … this is a website dedicated to kid’s health.  This particular wee bit is about children’s emotional wellbeing.
Here is an abstract to some research from the National Institute of Health re-examining the worlds of temperament and attachment.  FASCINATING.  As is this: kids with autism don’t experience the contagious factor of yawns.

More later.  School holidays demand my attention …

here, there & in between

Posted on by

bridge babyLadies and Gentlegeeks,

A few links to warm your heart (or worry your mind …?)

Behold a collection of fab parenting blogs, starting with this excellent post about trusting our children from Bonnie Harris.  This is a lovely piece about how Mamas “do nothing” all day (reminding me: time to reread Naomi Stadlen’s magnificent book …) and this blog might have a slightly dorky name, but SHEESH the content is stellar.  The Scary Mommy blog also has some good content, but is the “Mommy Confessional” off to the right which feels so intimate and personal I can’t quite believe I’m reading it.  What up, Mamas?

Also taking it personally: a teacher pal of mine warned me after a meeting she’d attended … the controversial and FLAWED national standards of education being pushed on New Zealand schools is rumoured to have its insidious eyes on BABIES now.  I will keep y’all posted.

Another warning or three – marketers are coming for the tooth fairy now.  Here is some rebuttal for the nonsense of apps being marketed for babies, and finally from the RWJF, some harsh truths about fast food advertisers and the way they stalk our kids.

If all that is stressing you out, check out this splendid video from the Action for Happiness folks.  Then feel better.  (Cos we all are feeling a smidge better, apparently).  Phew.  Night night.

I got the power! (in praise of electricity)

Posted on by

Sometimes, it’s tempting to romanticise all that is rustic.  I don’t know if it’s just that I am a momma who values simplicity in the lives of her children, or if it’s because I am a keen veggie gardener whose 1970’s upbringing included a reverence for self-sufficiency?

Anyway, those gnarly storms that hit us on Tuesday night left this family without power for 2 days, and now that it is back, I have never been so in love with electricity.  Gotta say, though: I DID love waking and sleeping in alignment with what the sun was doing.  Our poor wee caveman bodies are a bit confused by what faux lights do to our circadian rhythms.  I think we’d have less drama about babies’ sleep if we had slightly less spazzy sleep habits ourselves.  Anyway: Mt. Laundry is waiting for me after the washing machine hiatus.  Reminding me anew to be grateful for my modern mama life, with the absolute absence of time spent scrubbing clothing against rocks.