parenting … it’s not all beer and skittles

Posted on March 7, 2015 by Miriam McCaleb

Kia Ora y’all

Biiiiiiig week for this geek, had three days of lectures @ university, lucky to have a willing and able parent to step into grandparenting. My dad. My kids. My heart is full.

In all honesty, all that was helped along by my having packed nutritious lunchboxes the night before, and by loading the crock pot with healthy goodness the morning of. It’s that invisible stuff that goes unnoticed all too often, and this is why I am giving my trumpet a minor toot.

The invisible stuff of parenting is what I yearn to make visible – this is a big reason for my public adoration of Naomi Stadlen and her ‘mothers talking’ work. If you’ve never read What Mothers Do or How Mothers Love I just reckon you oughta.

But then there is an aspect of parenting made visible that clearly rankles … the insistence from mothers of grown children that any acknowledgement of the struggles of daily life with young children is something resembling failure. Last year I linked y’all to this great blog post on Momastery, and just this past week my pal shared this similar sentiment from the Boganette blog.

For onlookers to rush to the “your babies are blessings now just be grateful” angle is MOST unhelpful. It denies the validity of mama’s emotions in the here and now. It denies the reality of life in the here and now (parenting can be bloody hard! AND it flies in the face of what we understand from the worlds of neurobiology, psychotherapy and decent humanity … accept what someone is feeling. Just let them have that feeling. Toddler, friend, adolescent, man, woman, whoever. Feeling something. So there. OH! How timely … This is one of the gifts from my university experience last week – brief Youtube clip about empathy that I reckon you’ll love.

Quick link dump then I gotta go cos offspring are plotting rebellion (in party hats). This is from the Washington Post about the culture of caesarian in the USA, here is a paper about infant circumcision and human rights (which I’m not sure I agree with), and I wrote this a while back but had cause to find it again last week and I reckon it’s still relevant.

If the weather cooperates, we’ll be off to see Te Matatini kapa haka festival tomorrow. See you there. Smooch!

quick, before lunch

Posted on February 28, 2015 by Miriam McCaleb

Lunchtime is my favourite time. Hey, it’s Lunchtime! (a prize for whomever can name that artist …)

Quick: some links. No snazzy segways or classy intros or even categories. Just random links … GO:

This is from Scientific American and it’s about how to get more parents to vaccinate their kids. I have. This is a link to the American Mindfulness Research Association, and here is some explanation as to why smiling makes us happier and more successful. Even a faux smile!

This is a YouTube clip about the lovely Tree Change Dolls I shared a while back and this is a blog post about the relentless branding of children’s toys. Ugh.

Here’s an interview urging rebellion against ‘the gospel of money’ and this article from v. good North & South magazine features the most excellent Rick Hanson who I heard speak a month ago. Still reeling. In a good way. You could also do this wee yoga practice and be happy. Especially if you smile whilst doing so.

Finally, boycott your biology. Supress the sociology. Dance and sing in public!

tell the children the truth

Posted on February 26, 2015 by Miriam McCaleb

Hey friends and geeks

I came to a life of Baby Geek-ery via the wonderful world of early childhood education. And I’m pretty sure that I trained as an early childhood teacher during a Golden Age – the early nineties, when funding wasn’t that bad and when Te Whariki -the glorious curriculum of New Zealand ECE – was just being published.

We were taught about cool, mildly radical ideas like the Anti Bias Curriculum, which is a way of thinking, being, and organising life in an early childhood centre with a view to actively promoting social justice. Instead of ignoring the racist graffiti, teachers with an Anti Bias focus arm their children with paint and brushes and explain the need to obliterate the ugly sentiments.

I’ve been wondering where this gentle activism is, in light of the influx of princess play and the pinkification of girlhood. (re: pinkification … Enjoy this awesome blog by an at-home dad, Man Vs. Pink, which I learnt of here thanks to a geeky observer).

Meanwhile, I am as ever conscious of the way that children are marketed to and how marketers prey upon our young. And while the adults who care are signing petitions and lobbying corporates, I wonder who’s in the trenches, actively teaching mellow radicalism to young children. Children need to be taught the truth about the adults who will try to exploit them for money. Those selling things to our kids don’t make decisions about what or how to sell based around love and concern for our beautiful children, they make decisions that serve their shareholders.

Just this past fortnight, my very own Little Girl’s third birthday included more Disney product than I am comfortable with.

So I am wondering what has happened to the Anti-Bias idea, whether it stops at issues of race and ability or whether we need to be stirring up a bit of awareness around commercialisation, sexism, and sexualisation of childhood.

Tell the children the truth!

Friday arvo

Posted on January 9, 2015 by Miriam McCaleb

Photo on 2015-01-09 at 17.41 #2 I have always found Friday afternoons to be a bit special. Even in motherhood, where there ain’t no 9-5, even during our summer holidays, where there is barely a Monday-Friday distinction. I still love a bit of Friday afternoon.

I am listening to some sweet fiddle music and basking in what is sort of my last weekend before i return to thinking about things other than family: actually feeling really excited to be participating in the super cool online conference for The Confident Mother in the UK (thanks be to Sherry Bevan for coordinating!). It’s free! And there will be many interesting opportunities to engage with a variety of people who spend time thinking about family life and motherhood. EXCITED. More found here.

Could just about wee my pants with excitement that I am registered to hear Dr. Rick Hanson speak when he comes to my neck o’ the woods! Listen to an interview with him here.

So in honour of the new baby Annie born in the Canadian winter, I sign off with best wishes from a warm Kiwi Vendredi.

assorted variousness

Posted on November 18, 2014 by Miriam McCaleb

Let’s link.

First: a post from Psychology Today about using your brain more effectively (ie being more productive!). Once again, the moral of the story is Slow Down. Unplug. Concentrate.

Similar, and yet so different, is this deluxe post from On Being written by Omid Safi … it might be your new favourite thing.

This is an excellent piece by Scientific American about 10 big additions to our thinking about neuroscience in the past decade. Enjoy.

OH! Lovely initiative here … using yoga to change the lives of young women in trouble. MOre!

Now, take four minutes to check out this promo to a fantastic looking new documentary film called Now Playing. I long to let rip a rant about the value of play in the lives of children and adults, but my toddler is keeping it all very real by tugging on my arm and beggin me to stop working.

I’m overdue a rant about play, having just written an article for OHbaby! about Play and a foreword for an exciting new book on the subject by my fab colleague Sarah Best

Gotta boogie. I’ll end with a public service announcement: adopt fist bumps as a replacement for high fives or handshakes and you will reduce the transfer of infection.

big emotions

Posted on September 15, 2014 by Miriam McCaleb

Kia ora geeks. Hope your week is going swimmingly. Mine began with a new issue of OHbaby! magazine, featuring an article I contributed. It’s called “weathering the storm”, and it’s about supporting children with their big emotions. The issue also features an utterly beautiful baby on the cover. LOOK!

Here are a random assortment of links for your surfing pleasure … This is from the good folk at the Center for the Developing Child at Harvard … it is about using science to inform child welfare policy. Similarly, but differently, here’s a fact sheet about the negative impact of instability on our little children. We are about to have an election in NZ and I wonder if our leaders have read this. (have ya? hmmmm?)

Here is a cool resource for teachers about “sowing the seeds of neuroscience“, and this is a link to some research into the evidence base for early childhood education. Of course. all that only works if we are talking about care of high quality. And that is a whole separate conversation if we’re talking ’bout babies.

Actually, that last link comes from the excellent website of the For Our Babies campaign, which deserves your time. I have just finished the book of the same name by Ron Lally and it is such an outstanding summary of the complex layers that have led us to today … I wholeheartedly recommend it. The relevance oozes beyond the USA.

Now a feelgood link; a new find called Green Child magazine. Recipes, ideas, inspiration. Yum.

Finally, a couple more links encouraging you to slow down and create mental downtime. Specifically, if you’ve got writing to do, head outside.

How appropriate. Guilt.

Posted on August 27, 2014 by Miriam McCaleb

I tend to begin these posts with the same opening I almost always use on my correspondence: “I’m sorry it has been so long since I wrote …”

But let’s focus on the positive. I’m posting! Now!

I begin by humbly sharing a link to a piece I wrote for Tots to Teens. It’s about Mama Guilt.

Other links now. Research from Australia mightn’t surprise anyone … child care workers are underpaid and undervalued. The tragic bit is that even the parents of the children being cared for are guilty of the undervaluing. Let’s just contrast that with a new report from the Abecedarian project, pointing to still more life long benefits of high quality early childhood education. Oh, but here’s a wee reminder of how not all ECE is high quality … Irony! She is not dead!

Here is a report called the Global Youth Wellbeing Index, and here is a link to reinforce the power of education for helping parents be cool about their wacky li’l babes. This about infant sleep and reasonable expectations.

We’ve linked here before, but let’s do it again … a family friendly music podcast to dig on. Kia Ora.

Finally, let’s just be honest about how often we check our smart phones, shall we?

culture, family, mothering

Posted on June 29, 2014 by Miriam McCaleb

This Baby Geek has a foreign born husband. My kids are wee half’n’half creatures of unique composition. Aren’t they all.

At this moment I am in the home of my bro- and sis-in-law, thinking anew about how our home cultures shape our early experience which, in turn, shapes our brains. And these shape us. Our mommas and our food and our home. How we communicate, how we express ourselves, what we believe. It’s all in there.

So I’ve spent considerable time briefing my Big Girl (and subsequently my nieces & nephews) to keep an open mind during travel, to think in terms of Different, not Better or Worse. One of the most elegant illustrations of this is the beautiful movie “Babies”, which my children watched on the iPad on the aeroplane. It’s the only movie on there.

Other stuff rool quick before I rejoin the people … an article from Time about Dolphin Parenting … sounds like the Backbone style of parenting my bro Nathan Mikaere-Wallis teaches… but with an arguably cuter name.

Link here to a write up of some research about child abuse and adverse effects on brain development … complete with disturbing photograph … and finally a great resource from Zero to Three about early emergent literacy.

Better get back to the whanau time.

Angry Mamas

Posted on June 17, 2014 by Miriam McCaleb

The new issue of OHbaby! is out and I have an article in there, about Angry Mamas. It was amazing to write and think about at the time, and the feedback has been fab. Thank y’all.

Now for some links before bedtime (it is always late when I get to this here blog. What’s up with that?)

First, the week began in NZ with the release of the People’s Report from the Glenn Inquiry. And here is the report itself, in all its heartbreaking detail. I look forward to the plans for improvement … November I think that next bit is being released.

Next: from Wired mag, article about a “radical new teaching method” which is actually a super early childhood education philosophy (let the children choose what they want to learn! follow their passions!) and it’s been applied to older children.

Sorry. Being snippy, are we?

Here is a li’l something about the role of synchronized brain waves in supporting speedy learning (thanks MIT) and here is an article from the New York Times about the losses wrapped up in a lack of handwriting. Ah, kids these days!

www.baby.geek.nz

Category Archives: parenting education