My kid is 3. Yes, I’m on maternity leave. Still. Any questions?

Posted on April 27, 2015 by Miriam McCaleb

I have had a baffling few weeks as a baby geek and a toddler person and an educator and a mama and a professional and a slave(!).

Long and short of it: we (people who are kaiako/educators for the Brainwave Trust) had been invited to update our profiles on the website. I got a snazzy new photo and was keen to rejig the text, which boldly stated that I was on maternity leave, caring for the child born in 2012.

And it’s true. I am.

And I’m glad to. Happy to. Privileged to. Proud to!

So why was my motivation in updating said profile the removal of those words? Just what it is it about being a FULL TIME STAY AT HOME MOTHER that made me want to massage that truth and call it something else?

Cos yeah, freelance writer. And yeah, doing postgrad study. But oh, HELL yeah – I’m a mother. I’m the keeper of the castle and I care for my kids. So why, even amidst the most pro-family and child friendly of colleagues, do I find it necessary to deny that title?

Full time parent. That’s me.

Yes, three years on. Yes, at least until she starts school. So there.

But I chickened out. Not only rejigged text but made the decision to pull my profile down altogether, cos it’s gonna be years until I can offer to help anyone! But quick, before it gets removed, check out my fancy new photo!

That’s not all. I had a gig booked, my first for ages. I was thoroughly looking forward to it, had learned new tricks in Keynote. Great client, juicy content. Lovin’ life. But then, little girl was sick. Little girl was sick and husband was not in a position to cancel his life.

So guess what? I canceled. Gutting for me, but the right thing to do. Cos when you’re three years old with a raging temperature and strep throat, what you need is your mum.

Yeah!

Quickly now, cos it’s what we do on this website, I will now throw a variety of links into your lap: THIS is Kids in the House, which is a parenting website like no other! Enjoy. I’d love to share this excellent bit o’ writing from Mothering about a new mother’s body belonging to HER. And it’s been a while since I sent y’all to this glorious collection, but this is a variety of Policy Briefs from the Royal Children’s Hospital in Melbourne. It’s fab.

Now here’s an interesting piece about infant temperament and culture, and here is a website from Arizona all about their initiatives to support family. Next, a gift for new families about settling babies. Yum.

Compare structured parenting with Free Range parenting here, and here is a very good thang from the Huffington Post about the power of home visiting programmes for changing outcomes for kids in poverty.

Finally, it may or it might not be the best kindergarten you’ve ever seen, but this is an inspiring TED talk all the same.

Big shout out of thanks and support to Jo, who organised the workshop I had to cancel, to brother Nate for always listening, and also to Pennie, who continues to be so flippin supportive of me, at home with my kids.

some good, some not

Posted on March 19, 2015 by Miriam McCaleb

Life is full of goodness and not-so-goodness, eh.

Like … a beautiful stack of firewood is most definitely good. The fact that smacking one’s kids continues to be a default setting for many parents (including the allegedly progessive millennials!) is NOT good.

This amazing website from the UK is a dreamy resource for parents of new babies (and those who work with them) and this newsletter from the World Association for Infant Mental Health is another example of goodness.

Finally, self knowledge has gotta be good. And warm drinks on cold days. And friendship. Relationships. Even hugging strangers. All good.

parenting … it’s not all beer and skittles

Posted on March 7, 2015 by Miriam McCaleb

Kia Ora y’all

Biiiiiiig week for this geek, had three days of lectures @ university, lucky to have a willing and able parent to step into grandparenting. My dad. My kids. My heart is full.

In all honesty, all that was helped along by my having packed nutritious lunchboxes the night before, and by loading the crock pot with healthy goodness the morning of. It’s that invisible stuff that goes unnoticed all too often, and this is why I am giving my trumpet a minor toot.

The invisible stuff of parenting is what I yearn to make visible – this is a big reason for my public adoration of Naomi Stadlen and her ‘mothers talking’ work. If you’ve never read What Mothers Do or How Mothers Love I just reckon you oughta.

But then there is an aspect of parenting made visible that clearly rankles … the insistence from mothers of grown children that any acknowledgement of the struggles of daily life with young children is something resembling failure. Last year I linked y’all to this great blog post on Momastery, and just this past week my pal shared this similar sentiment from the Boganette blog.

For onlookers to rush to the “your babies are blessings now just be grateful” angle is MOST unhelpful. It denies the validity of mama’s emotions in the here and now. It denies the reality of life in the here and now (parenting can be bloody hard! AND it flies in the face of what we understand from the worlds of neurobiology, psychotherapy and decent humanity … accept what someone is feeling. Just let them have that feeling. Toddler, friend, adolescent, man, woman, whoever. Feeling something. So there. OH! How timely … This is one of the gifts from my university experience last week – brief Youtube clip about empathy that I reckon you’ll love.

Quick link dump then I gotta go cos offspring are plotting rebellion (in party hats). This is from the Washington Post about the culture of caesarian in the USA, here is a paper about infant circumcision and human rights (which I’m not sure I agree with), and I wrote this a while back but had cause to find it again last week and I reckon it’s still relevant.

If the weather cooperates, we’ll be off to see Te Matatini kapa haka festival tomorrow. See you there. Smooch!

quick, before lunch

Posted on February 28, 2015 by Miriam McCaleb

Lunchtime is my favourite time. Hey, it’s Lunchtime! (a prize for whomever can name that artist …)

Quick: some links. No snazzy segways or classy intros or even categories. Just random links … GO:

This is from Scientific American and it’s about how to get more parents to vaccinate their kids. I have. This is a link to the American Mindfulness Research Association, and here is some explanation as to why smiling makes us happier and more successful. Even a faux smile!

This is a YouTube clip about the lovely Tree Change Dolls I shared a while back and this is a blog post about the relentless branding of children’s toys. Ugh.

Here’s an interview urging rebellion against ‘the gospel of money’ and this article from v. good North & South magazine features the most excellent Rick Hanson who I heard speak a month ago. Still reeling. In a good way. You could also do this wee yoga practice and be happy. Especially if you smile whilst doing so.

Finally, boycott your biology. Supress the sociology. Dance and sing in public!

some links

Posted on February 19, 2015 by Miriam McCaleb

Kia Ora friendly geeks.

Here come some links. First, from the journal Pediatrics. Beware the screens! And next, a li’l something about language development and how mamas talk to their babes.

This is gonna have to do for now: it’s before school and I am being a lousy mum on a computer. But I just HAVE to share this from Time magazine (thanks sister). Baby teaches modern dance class. I was raised by a dancer so I share this not to minimise the skill and value of dance, but to honour the skill and value of babies.

in my office

Posted on January 12, 2015 by Miriam McCaleb

Woah … I”m all overexcited and hyper caffeinated because I just had a big online time with Sherry Bevan, co-ordinator of the Confident Mother online conference. Days and days of free, thought provoking content. Did I mention free?

Anyway, in the course of our conversation I made reference to the awesome interview from Dr Stuart Shanker that featured on CBC radio’s “Ideas” podcast. I went back to find a link to it for Sherry, and LO! There is a new, updated version available to download and listen to. You must! Parents, teachers, everyone … LISTEN.

Here, also, a cornucopia of useful self-regulation resources from Canada.

Gotta go make some snacks xx

Friday arvo

Posted on January 9, 2015 by Miriam McCaleb

Photo on 2015-01-09 at 17.41 #2 I have always found Friday afternoons to be a bit special. Even in motherhood, where there ain’t no 9-5, even during our summer holidays, where there is barely a Monday-Friday distinction. I still love a bit of Friday afternoon.

I am listening to some sweet fiddle music and basking in what is sort of my last weekend before i return to thinking about things other than family: actually feeling really excited to be participating in the super cool online conference for The Confident Mother in the UK (thanks be to Sherry Bevan for coordinating!). It’s free! And there will be many interesting opportunities to engage with a variety of people who spend time thinking about family life and motherhood. EXCITED. More found here.

Could just about wee my pants with excitement that I am registered to hear Dr. Rick Hanson speak when he comes to my neck o’ the woods! Listen to an interview with him here.

So in honour of the new baby Annie born in the Canadian winter, I sign off with best wishes from a warm Kiwi Vendredi.

procrastination for fun and profit!

Posted on December 18, 2014 by Miriam McCaleb

Kia Ora and hello!

Before we go any further, the date tells us we are a week from Christmas. My pal at OHbaby! shared a link to this fab piece, about simplifying the season. Make like Elsa and Let It GO! Enjoy.

I am in my office with a brief, hard-fought window of time to be working. I’m supposed to be banging out a draft for a 1500-worder due soon after the festive craziness. Ask me how that’s going? Yeah. Um. Not great.

But then ask me how it was at Toddlerific and I will tell you… it was a treat! An utter treat. We talked – a lot – about stuff like the serve and return nature of child development (HERE is an elegant explanation from the Center for the Developing Child at Harvard) and about temperament research, and goodness of fit. And many other luscious things! Such fun.

Here is a link to the most recent newsletter from Brainwave Trust Aotearoa. Yeah, I wrote the book review in there, but the main reason for sharing is Keryn O’Neill’s excellent analysis of the Perry Preschool Project. You gotta see it.

Meanwhile, did I already post a link to this article about The Last Generation of kids to play outside? It’s a goodie. And speaking of play, look how dreamy this crowd are … the Exuberant Animal (good name for a funk band …).

May I end with a shout out to the super smart, warm, wise and uber supportive Pennie Brownlee. Arohanui xxx

big emotions

Posted on September 15, 2014 by Miriam McCaleb

Kia ora geeks. Hope your week is going swimmingly. Mine began with a new issue of OHbaby! magazine, featuring an article I contributed. It’s called “weathering the storm”, and it’s about supporting children with their big emotions. The issue also features an utterly beautiful baby on the cover. LOOK!

Here are a random assortment of links for your surfing pleasure … This is from the good folk at the Center for the Developing Child at Harvard … it is about using science to inform child welfare policy. Similarly, but differently, here’s a fact sheet about the negative impact of instability on our little children. We are about to have an election in NZ and I wonder if our leaders have read this. (have ya? hmmmm?)

Here is a cool resource for teachers about “sowing the seeds of neuroscience“, and this is a link to some research into the evidence base for early childhood education. Of course. all that only works if we are talking about care of high quality. And that is a whole separate conversation if we’re talking ’bout babies.

Actually, that last link comes from the excellent website of the For Our Babies campaign, which deserves your time. I have just finished the book of the same name by Ron Lally and it is such an outstanding summary of the complex layers that have led us to today … I wholeheartedly recommend it. The relevance oozes beyond the USA.

Now a feelgood link; a new find called Green Child magazine. Recipes, ideas, inspiration. Yum.

Finally, a couple more links encouraging you to slow down and create mental downtime. Specifically, if you’ve got writing to do, head outside.

www.baby.geek.nz

Category Archives: education